Before Hatoful Boyfriend, I was a happily married man with a home, a well-paying job, a wife, and two kids.

Then, the eve before my birthday, a close friend had stealthily bought Hatoful Boyfriend and sent it to me, thinking it'd be a funny early birthday present. I decided to humor him, and booted up the game on that one fateful Saturday night.

My house burned down, I lost my job, my wife divorced me and took custody of the children, and my pizza delivery guy was late.

I'm now pregnant with my 17th child from my new pigeon hasubando and am currently living in a giant, underwater nest filled with kawaii mutant human-bird baby hybrids that feed off of human flesh and Lego blocks.

10/10.

It's okay.