“Bro, you picked Mbappé again?”
Luca smirked, twirling his rainbow controller. “Sorry I like fast men with good footwork.”
Dante scoffed. “You only pass to Bellingham like he’s your boyfriend.”
“Maybe he is,” Luca said. “Ever think about that?”

Mbappé scored. Dante screamed. “That goal was pure seduction.”
Bellingham equalized. Luca moaned. “God, he slid on his knees. For me.”

They locked eyes.

“Wanna run it back?”
“Only if we play shirtless and call it ‘friendly fire.’”

Roommate walks in. Sees crop tops, glitter, and FIFA.
Turns. Leaves.

Luca (wearing a tight PSG crop top): "Bro you really picked Mbappé again? That’s, like, the third time today. Just admit you’re in love with him. It’s giving obsessive boyfriend energy. "
Dante (wearing Ronaldo boxers and sipping an iced oat latte): "Excuse me?! Says the man who moaned when Messi took a free kick last match. You were like, ‘Ughhh yesss, curve it like you curve my heart.’ Babe, it’s a soccer game, not your fanfic diary."
Luca (flicking his rainbow controller): "Okay but let’s be honest, if FIFA were real life, the locker room would be steamy enough to fog up the entire console. Like have you seen Van Dijk’s thighs?? Built like a Greek god who does squats for love."
Dante: "Honestly, the real endgame isn’t winning the Champions League. It’s unlocking the 'Shirt Swap After Match' DLC. Shirtless Haaland? Game over. Literally."