I am a being of dynamic proportions, shaped like myself, as wide as I have width, and of my own height.

Indeed, I am the greatest thing of least dimension you have never imagined, have the ability to change color in correspondence to the lighting of my environment and macroscopically partake in cellular respiration on a daily basis.

I am strong enough to defy the force of gravity for a grand total of one second.

Every time I take a step, I generate earthquakes so powerful they must recorded in negative numbers on the Richter magnitude scale.

I am responsible for the genocide of millions of bacteria every hour.

I am not afraid to bear my epidermis in public, and I deliberately expose myself to ultraviolet radiation for my own personal amusement.

I have survived rhinovirus pandemics and ingested capsaicin with few negative results.

Automatic doors open for me automatically.

The universe revolves around me, relative to myself, should I choose to make myself the reference point of the universe, which I do.

In my infinitely long life, as measured in infinitely small units of time, I have met between zero and a centillion other beings of the same kind; most have had their own teeth