Let's get drunk and use firearms!

I̕ ǵiv͢e ͡you͞ a ̸h̷a̢mb̀urg͟e͡r.̶ The ̢uni̸v͜e͟rs̴è ͝i̶s ̨en͘gųlf̛e͡d̡ ͢w̡i̷t̶h҉i̕n ̛its҉elf. ͟A҉ ͘b̡u̕s advęr̀tisi͞ng͢ ho̸td̡o̷g͜s dr͘ive͡s ̡b̸y ̧a̵ p̢a̶pil͞lon.̸ It d҉is͜a̧p̴p͜r̵o̡ves.́ ͞An̡ unn̸a̸tural̴ fo̶r҉ce ̷r̶ev͢ers̶es͡ ͝E̕arth̴'̡s ̷g̷rav͞i͡t̀y̶.̵ ̵Yo͠u ̧ąs͜k f̀or ҉a͏ ͟h̛am̴b̧urg͡e̵r. I r͏ecipr͘ocate̵ ͏wit͝h a̸ ḿi̧l͟d͏l̷y͡ co͢nvu͡lsi͘n̷g͜ ̧p̀o̴ta͢to͟. ́Y͏ou͡ ҉d̷i͝sapp̢r͘o͟ve.͞ Yo͝ùr ̴di̷sap͡pro͝val relea͜s͟es̛ a ́cos̷mic ̶shįft́ ín͟ ̸t́h̸e v̡o͝id ́b̶etwe̢e̵n҉ bi͠r͡t̕h ͝a͏ǹd ͏life. Y̧o͜ù ask f͘o͝r ͢a͘ ̡h͞am̕b̧u͞r͢ge͡r̴. A͞ c͜erta̸i̕n s͘ma͡ll d̛og ̵f͞ȩa͠s͘t͜s͡ ̸on h̡a҉m͢bu͞rger̀ ͘p͝àt҉ties ̧f̸or͢ ̷the ͠r͞e̸s͞t ͜o͏f͏ ̶it̀s҉ ̶u҉nna̕tural, ̴e̡t͏e͘r͘nal͢ ͝e̛ņd҉ur̴anc͜e̛.̴ ̧Y͏óur c͡o͜nsţa͞n͘t dis̕ap͠p̢r̶oval s̢e͞nd͝s s͘i̕l̷ence through ̴év̸ery̨th̨ing.̢ A͡ ́c͞o͝ntriv͢ed͟ be̴ast̷ b̸ećom͡e͏s͠ ͟om̶n̢i͏po͟t͟en͞t.͡ Yo̸u a͢sk for͟ ̷a ͞ha͡mburg̛e͝r.̵ ͞I͏ ͟gi̵v͝e you̵ a h̀ambu̕rge̵r ͢yǫur ̀b̕od́y͞ be͘c͠o͞mes̷ ̧a̴n͝ uns̷e̶t͞tlȩd b̧lo͞b̷ ͟o҉f̷ ͘no̸t͏hingn͠es҉s,̕ ̡then ͢di҉v̶i͜de͘s ̕by̨ ̧three̡.̨ T̀h̢e ͞pap͠illon b҉arks.̧ Th̀e̕ ͟univ͞e̴ŗs͠e ̸r̴eali̸gns ́it͢se͟l҉f͠.͜ Y̛ou̵,̶ t̷h͝e̡ ̡p͡a̢pi͡l͘lo̕n,͟ ̕a͏nd ̨t͜he ̷h́am̕bu̡r̶ger̸ ͝d҉i͢sap͏prove.͜ ̵Th̛is ̧con̴d̴ęmn̷atio͏n͟ ͏sto͠ps t͝he͟ re̴alįgnm͠e͝nt.͠ Ha̧des͢ ̵fr͡e҉e͞zes̨ ͘o̸v̸er̡.̸ ̵A p͠ig is la̸ùn͞c͞h͢e͡ḑ ͏i͞s l̢a͡u̴nc҉he͟d ̢int͏ó t҉he ͢u͠noc͢c̵up͞i͜ed͜ ̧exis̶t̀ȩn͟ce͏ be̡tẁe̡en͠ s̕p̨a͟ce an͠d ͟t͠ime͠ ̶w͠it͝h͜ ̡a s҉p͜èci̧fic͡ ͢h͠am͘b͞u̴rg͞e̵r͘.̵ Y͟ou͘ ͟ask f̵o̧r ́a ̀h͜am͜b̸úr͘ge͝r͟.͡ ͟I̷ gi̸ve y҉o̷u̸ ͡a h҉a̶m͠b̶u̷r͟g͜er. It͝ ̀sçream͠s̕ ͘as̢ you͠ ͞li̸f̛t̷ i̡t̴ to̢ ̴you͠r҉ ́face.̸ ́Yo͝u ̢la̷ug͘h m͘a͡ni̡a̸ca̶lly as ͝I͘ ̶plead w͞i̛t̵h ͏y͠o̶u.̡ ̢Y̢ǫư ̧devo̧u͢r̕ ҉t͘he ͜h͟a̡mbu͡r͞ge̶r as i̡t ͘p͏l̡e͘a̧ds͏ f́o̸r m͏e̷rc̛y. ͏I ͢di͢s̵a҉p̛pr͘ove̶ ̷a̧n͟d ͟c̷on̨d͞emn ̶y̧o̢u ̵t̕o ̧an éte͝r҉ņity͟ i̶n͘ ͏a͜ ̷cer͜ta͟in̵ ̷v̧o͢íd ̡w̡h̷e̷re a͢ ͟c͘ert҉ai͝n ͝pi̷g͡ and ̡its̨ s̨pecifi͡c͞ ̢ha̵m͞bur̴g͞er ́are ͠l͏o͞cat̶ed͝. ͜Th̵e͠ U͡niver̛s̛al͏ S̸p̢ące̶-͏t͟ime ́C͟o͡nt͞i̵nuųm ̵Còm̸mit́t̵ee d͡isap̵p̕r̴ov͜es̴ ̕o͢f m͟y i͡r͜r̨a҉t̡i̷o͘nal͟ de͝c̀i͢s͡i͘on.̵ ̨Y͜ou ͢a҉re̸ l̷ockéd͏ a͟w̶a̢y͠ ̶a͢nd̴ a̡ŕé f̧e͞d ̵h̡amburg͢e͏rs fo̷r ҉t̵h̸e̢ ̧r͏es̢t̸ ̢o͡f ̴y͜ou͢r̕ ͞ǹat̛ur̛al ̵exís͢tęnce͘. ̶A p̢įckle re̛fu҉ses̴ to̷ ͝brea̴k͏ ̶dow͘n̛ duri҉ńg̀ ţh̵e̕ ̨pr͝o̕ces̕s ͟o̵f̶ diǵęst͏ion.̴ Y̴ou ̀d҉i͢e i͜n a frea̸k̸ ̢acci͟d̷ȩn̡t.͝ ̛A c͝e͢rta̶i҉ń ͜pi̡c҉kle ̛li҉ves͟ th̴e͜ ̸r̀est̴ o̶f i͠t̢s li͞fe͠ in ̛a̵ ͞co͏ma͘tos̀e ͡s҉t͠a̸ţe̢.͘ ͜Y͟ou̷r ҉sou̶l̕ dis҉app̵ròves҉. ̴Do͡wn ̕the̵ şt͘reet ̛a ch̡il̵d̡ c͢r͠i͜es aş a h͢a͢mbur̶ge̛ŕ ͝g͜e͜t͘s st͢ucḱ i̸n, ̨and ͢c͞l͏imb̵s ͞bac͏k up, ҉her̵ es҉oṕha̵gus̕. Y̧ou a̛s̕k̡ a͡ga̕in҉ ̛f͘o̧r a hambur҉ge͏r.͠ Ì ͜r͝e̕f̨u͟se ́to̕ ͡rec̀iprocat͏e͢.́ ̢Y̧o̕u̕ ͝d͝e̸m͡an͢d͏ ̨a̷ laẁy͘e̢r.̴ I re̵m̸įnd ̧yo͜u͟ ҉h̀ąr̴sh͢ly̧ ̸t͠hat̢ ͡t͘h̛i҉s̴ is͠ t͘h͢e̸ ͠new w̢orld̀ ̧o͞r̀der. ̴L̴àw͞y͡er͏s̕ n̨o͞ ̡l͡o͜ng̷e͝r̢ exi͏st.͟ ̕Onl͡y͟ pa͝p͢ill̸ons͏.͝ Y̡oưr͢ n͜ame i̸s̛ w͟ritten ҉on̷ ̛a ̀li̴st of͞ ͟s͝i̡n̛s̶.͠ Bla̕sph́em̶y̨.̡ Y̸o҉ù as͟k fo̧r͝ a ͡h͘am̸bu̶r̛g̷e҉r̵.͏ T͡h҉e̡ c͜o͡matose ́p̧ic̕k͜l̨e vanqu͏i͞s͏he̸s ýo̵u͏r ̛soul ̴f̴r̡oḿ t͏h͠i̕s ̕u͟n̡i͜v͢e̴rse.̕ R̴e͘align̡men̨t ͟occ̶urs̸.̸ Yo̕u̵ b͝e̢g for a ham̧bur҉ger. Ą ̨cer̡taín ͡p̕api͞l̴lo҉n's̵ name i̷s͠ ẁr̸it͢ten ͝o͏n ̵a҉n̕ obèli҉sk͞ ̛in̕ ̵E̕gyp͏t͝.͏ ̧Mumb҉l͡e͟. Pe̶a̶s̀àn͡ts̀ w̵ors̡h̕i̵p̢ the ̢o͟b͞el̕i͠sk͘.͠ ̛Y҉o͜ur͟ ҉s͢ơu̕l͠less̸ c̶orpse̛ p͜art̴ak͜es ͘in͘ ̀th̷e ̀fe̵s̴ti̢vity͟.͠ H҉a̛m̕b̵urg̸ers ́a̷r̵e ba͝n͝ned͠ u̸niv͟èŕsal͏l̢y͢.̛ ̨The s̶u̕n҉ ̸imp̛l͜ode͜s. A͞ll ṕla̵nets c͏ease to hav̢e e̶v͏er҉ e̢xis̵ted.͜ Mercury.̀ Ve̵n̵us͘.͘ ҉E͞ar̛t̨h̛.̶ Mar͢s.͢ ̴Ju͡p̸iter.̴ Sa̕tur͟n̕.͏ ̡U̢r̛a̵nus͘. ͜Ne͞pt͡u͞n҉e̶. Pl̡ut̀o ̨is͞ t͜hę o̶nl͢ý ͠m҉a̵ss̸ ҉in e͢x͞iste̕nce̸. ̢Conv̡en͟i͢én̸tl̛y, y͏ou ar͠e̢ ͠òņ ͟vac͞at̀i͏on ͡h̷ere. ̨Your n͠eed ̡f̀o͟r ͢hambur̷g͡ȩr͏s҉ re-̵es̵t̡ab̨li҉sh́e͝s ̶s͝pac̸e̢-t̕i̴me. E͜arth͢ ́is͏ re̵cr͘e҉at̴e͡d unde͞r ̸yo͘ur̨ ̸ìnte͟rga̴lacţíc̵ rul͟e͝.͡ ͠Ha̡mb͟ưr̡g͠ers̵ ͞ar̨e yo̡ur ̕army. ҉You wake̢ ҉up.͝ Clo̷w̸n̛s̴. C͠l͘ow̛n͏s͠ e͢v͘erywh͟e͢r҉e. Y̸òu͏r ḑre̛am̨ ͢ru̴shes ̡to me҉et y͠o̶u. Y̨ou͘ ͘are͠ ̀kid͝ńapṕed̴. ͟Y̶ou̢ a҉sk f͢o͠r͘ a haḿb̛u͘r͞ge̕r͡. T͏ḩey͞ h̨an̸d you a̸ ̛hotd̴o҉g͟.̛