Let’s face it, you’ll spend a lot of time blaming each other when things go wrong, so why not start by introducing the five heroes who’ll probably hate each other (and you) by the end of it?

1.1 Markus Kruber – The Soldier Who Doesn't Get Paid Enough

Primary Skills: Hitting things really hard, complaining, and drinking. Markus is the everyman of the group. He’s grizzled, he’s seen some stuff, and he's got a hammer bigger than your future prospects. His special skill is dying after shouting “hold the line!” while everyone else runs in the opposite direction.

How to Play: Swing wildly at everything. If it moves, smash it. If it doesn’t move, smash it twice just in case.

1.2 Bardin Goreksson – The Dwarf That Can’t See Over The Counter

Primary Skills: Being short, swinging axes, and making height jokes less funny over time. Bardin is here to remind you that being vertically challenged doesn’t mean you can’t murder rats like a maniac. As the designated tank and lore nerd, expect him to explain why you’re doing everything wrong.

How to Play: Swing your axe like a Viking on caffeine. Also, if you’re not drunk while playing Bardin, you’re doing it wrong.

1.3 Sienna Fuegonasus – The Firestarter, Twisted Firestarter

Primary Skills: Arson, casual murder, and blaming the apocalypse on climate change. Sienna enjoys setting things on fire. Mostly enemies, but occasionally her friends and herself too. Every time you use her, expect your CPU to fry along with the rats.

How to Play: Channel your inner pyromaniac. Remember: friendly fire is not a bug, it’s a feature. Accidentally roasting the team just adds to the immersion.

1.4 Victor Saltzpyre – The Zealot You Should Probably Avoid at Parties

Primary Skills: Yelling “HERESY!”, stabbing things, and… yelling. Victor’s life goal is to purge heretics, which is bad news for Skaven and possibly you. He’s the guy who takes the whole “righteous fury” thing a bit too seriously. If someone so much as sneezes wrong, he’s probably considering putting them on trial.

How to Play: Get in the face of enemies and shout incoherently while swinging a sword. If you die, at least die gloriously.

1.5 Kerillian – The Elf With More Issues Than Arrows

Primary Skills: Passive-aggressive insults, archery, and superiority complexes. Kerillian is the sassy wood elf who’s better than you. Just ask her. She’s here to prove that elves really are jerks, even when surrounded by endless waves of rat-men.

How to Play: Shoot from a distance, and when the team dies, pretend it was their fault for not being elf enough.

Skaven. That's it. Just so many Skaven. But for the uninitiated, here's a breakdown of the different types of furry, bloodthirsty nightmares you’ll face:

2.1 Clanrats

Also Known As: The Cannon Fodder These little guys exist solely to make you think you’re good at the game. You’ll mow them down by the dozen, get cocky, and then die horribly to something more threatening.

2.2 Stormvermin

Also Known As: “Why Won’t You Die?!” Bigger, meaner, and angrier. They’re basically Skaven bodybuilders who’ve been juicing for years. One shows up? No big deal. Six? Yeah, good luck.

2.3 Gutter Runners

Also Known As: The Reason You Sleep With One Eye Open These little assassins are great at ruining your day. You’ll be happily fighting, then BOOM! You’re suddenly face-down in the dirt, wondering why you even bother.

2.4 Rat Ogres

Also Known As: Why You Should’ve Stayed in Bed Imagine a rat that spent too much time at the gym and developed severe anger issues. Rat Ogres will flatten your entire team in a heartbeat, then do it again just to be sure.

2.5 Packmasters

Also Known As: Teamwork, But Make It Evil These guys show up with a hook on a stick, yank you out of position, and make you wish you were anywhere else. It’s teamwork, except they're working to drag you to your doom.

2.6 The Chaos Boys

When rats aren’t bad enough, the Chaos faction arrives with a merry band of walking mutations. Whether it’s Nurgle’s ugly minions or some fire-wielding sorcerer, it’s a buffet of bad decisions waiting to happen.

3.1 Adventure Mode: The “Oh, This Seems Doable” Trap

This is where you and your friends will enter a series of missions to save the city from the Skaven. It’s simple: go from point A to point B, kill anything that moves, and try to do it without rage-quitting.

But there’s a twist! The game has a magical, sinister force controlling it known as The Director, which makes sure everything is fine until it decides you’re having too much fun. Cue an overwhelming number of rats or a surprise Rat Ogre, because why not?

3.2 Last Stand: The “We’re Definitely Going to Die” Mode

If Adventure Mode wasn’t enough, Last Stand is where you see how long you can hold out against wave after wave of enemies. Spoiler: Not long.

The goal here is to survive. The reality? You’ll barely last ten minutes before someone (probably Sienna) sets everyone on fire, and the rats eat what’s left of your dignity.

4.1 Stick Together, Then Don’t

The number one rule of Vermintide is teamwork. The number one actual rule of Vermintide is to panic, scatter, and try to revive the dwarf while rats chew on your leg. Ideally, stay together, but if things go south (and they will), run away screaming.

4.2 Friendly Fire is a Lifestyle

When playing as Sienna or Kerillian, your arrows and fireballs will sometimes hit your teammates. Embrace it. Your friends will pretend they’re angry, but deep down, they know it’s inevitable. It’s called bonding.

4.3 Blame Saltzpyre

Whatever goes wrong, it’s probably Victor’s fault. He’s a zealot, after all, and nothing unites a team like collectively blaming one guy for their imminent deaths.

4.4 Dodge Like You're in a Dance-Off

Learning to dodge is essential. Treat every encounter like an elaborate, poorly choreographed dance battle with rats. Swing, dodge, swing, scream, dodge again.

When in doubt, set everything on fire. It’s worked for Sienna so far.

If Bardin makes a short joke, just laugh. He’s carrying the team’s morale on his little dwarf shoulders.

If you’re the last one standing, congratulations! You’ll die the most epic death.


Now, go forth, brave adventurers! May your runs be long, your loot plentiful, and your deaths hilarious.