Alright then, let me begin by saying that I was cool with you giving the server to me when you needed too but the sudden shift basically over night was pretty ♥♥♥♥♥♥. Practically woke up as manager with the entire halloween event on my hands and you threw everything away. So I had to schedule every movie night and lead an event I had not even planned to participate much in due to university. It was messy and ♥♥♥♥♥♥ but it worked out in the end. Still, that was a terrible start to that.

The decision to deny you owner status was not a decision that was easy, nor was it something I did by myself. I had many talks with people about it as I was concerned about your mental and physicall well being, as well as your mental capacity of taking responsibility and having confidence in your own actions. I had talked to absolutely every single person in staff at the time. All mods and admins. And I got the same answer from absolutely everyone. That people suspect you can't handle the heat. That you go off on your own and do things that go against our own rules of conduct we had build up. That you handle yourself as owner of the server in a bad way, either by behaving rudely, complaining about the server a lot or not talking at all due to feeling restricted in everything you can say. That events that you plan out end up being the responsibility of other people due to you leaving early, getting ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ or other reasons. This is NOT something I decided or made up on my own. The entire staff as one confided with me in dm talks that we do not believe that you, in your current state or even in the past couple of months act accordingly to the position.

Just some examples would be many of our karaoke nights where you ended up so drunk that you just pass out in the middle of it, forcing me to see it through to the end. Situations where you as server owner should be able to stand up and have some spine but end up caving in like a house of cards, forcing other staff to step up to make hard calls. Also moments where you, as a person of authority, pick fights with people or get heated about things that really did not matter much, taking a direct or indirect political stance on issues while we as staff try to remain impartial to those things.

To this, you can add everything of the past 1-2 months. How your server was a toxic hellhole for a while until people called you out to have actual rules set up. How you ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ N3bula on your server, how you didn't give a ♥♥♥♥ your own cousin acted like a complete ♥♥♥♥ and wanted to cause harm to a place you "love so very much". The same place you left several times, used Phee to talk in there a few times still to give apologies and more. Then you come back, act like an absolute fool and when me and Kiwi talk to you about it, you deny everything until we prove it to you with screenshots or asking the involved people about it.

You say you want to own up to your mistakes but yet, you seem to still blame the circumstances around you for the things you said and how you acted. Of course I don't take everything you said during that time serious but some of that stuff is just messed up. And not everything is just cool because you say sorry. We even offered you a position on the server still as event manager which would allow you to be creative and active and talk to people and earn trust. But you refuse because you didn't get full admin power. Because you think it is YOUR server.

But I am sorry to say that it isn't. It hasn't been for ages. I'm not talking about me being owner or anyone else. Server owner is just a lazy title anyway. The moment the server started to grow bigger and you began to delegate tasks to other people, give them responsibility and a position is also the time the server wasn't just yours anymore. People got involved, put hours and effort into the server to make it fantastic. I myself put countless hours just moderating, writing, working with you directly and other mods and admins to ensure good rules of conduct and more. Yet you keep claiming its your server. Which is just plain wrong..

Even in the manager position I currently hold, the server is being lead by all staff together. No one makes big decisions on their own and no one is "the big dog" who holds all the power. We ask one another, we vote on a lot of things, we disagree and discuss things as a team and no one "owns" the place for themselves. Yes you made the server. You created it in the beginning. But no, it is not yours. Neither mine nor anyone elses on their own.

You want leadership advise from me so the first thing would be to accept you ♥♥♥♥♥♥ up, stop blaming circumstances, other people and such things and prove you can be trusted with any kind of responsibility whatsoever by not caving every 2 days and leaving again. By showing you can conversate with other people over a while and not just devolve back into self pity and hatred. You complain our rules are strict and bad yet you were the same person who made them together with me and didn't say anything until you had to abide to them yourself in the end.

And in the end, the whole thing is not up to me on my own. I can't make you Boss over the decision of the team. If you ever want to be trusted with anything like that on N3bula, you gotta prove yourself and earn the trust of people, including the staff. Because I work with them and listen to them and don't make decision on my own. This was never about disliking you, hating you or thinking you're a bad person. But you burned a lot of bridges and will need to rebuild them over quite some time. This change won't come quick at all. And if your number 1 aim is being boss again, I would suggest on shoving it further down the list and make something else like proving you can be trusted further up. Because just wanting to be staff for the reason of being staff looks bad. I know your motivation might be different but it also counts what other people think what you want to achieve

I only was forced to do the work during karaoke nights when you passed out or for this halloween event. I was completely fine with all the other work I did. I was very happy with it really. It was not my point you don't care or that you were too lazy to put in work. I know you did. I also know you spend many hours on working for the server. I do not plan to ignore that time.

But you must understand Ryan. You leave the place in a storm 1 night, leave for 1.5 months, a lot of ♥♥♥♥ happens during that time on your and our side. You make your own place which goes up and down every so often. We sit down and seriously solve the trans arguments and turn smoking break into a place that isn't just a toxic wasteland and learn we work expertly as a team like that. Now after all this crap goes down and your previous attempts to join back in, you come in and just ask to be trusted again. With not much to show for yourself. You ask to be trusted and put into the position of highest authority based on what. Good will? Because you made the place?

Again you did make it. I won't question it. You created the server. But all the rules, history, work, effort, time, that is not just all yours on your own. So many people have contributed and spend pats of their life there. So saying its YOUR server is not something I can agree with at all. Just because someone creates something doesn't mean it forever only belongs to them.