Pro teamwork

Dylan “Blue” was the kind of guy who thought shadows were following him—even when he was standing still. Standing at 5'2" with spaghetti legs and the bench press strength of a folded napkin, Blue tried his hand at villainy after being rejected from a local dodgeball league for "aggressive breathing." His big break came when he “kidnapped” a CPR dummy from the community center, demanding three protein bars and a Monster Energy drink in exchange. But the real mystery came days earlier, when a Pringles can, a single latex glove, and two kitchen sponges vanished from a Dollar General—Blue was spotted on the security footage stuffing them into his cargo shorts like they were priceless artifacts. After he finally gave up the CPR dummy, staff discovered a hole in the bottom… and inside it, crammed with a sticky, unidentifiable substance, were the missing Pringles can, the glove, and the sponges. The dummy was quietly retired, and no one asked any more questions.

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