Come one, come all, see the marvelous boyfailure extraordinaire! He's got the moves (of yesteryear), he's got the... a style, he's got the kind of charm one might associate with an old cat sitting by the windowsill that hisses at everyone out of instinct, even though it really wants to curl up next to them!

Is this my resumé? It's not quite a bio, and I can't fathom why you're even reading this but, well, here you are! How can I make this worth your time (other than flaunting my incredible wit?)

Hell, I don't know, fun facts?
I used to be quite the artist. [www.artstation.com] That was nice while it lasted; I've since fallen off.
I have aphantasia. I'd explain what it's like, but it's difficult to imagine because... well, quite.
I'm not necessarily good with the Source Engine but I've sure as hell walked its trenches long enough to know it by heart. Mapping? Modeling? SFM? Esoteric 2007-era community-made programs to perform extremely niche tasks, like how to put a VMF... no, a BSP... in a VPK..? so that the QC gets its... GCF... what the hell is a GMPU? Never mind, I've forgotten it all, sorry.
At least I managed to make one good map before walking away. And one bad one.
I completed the International Baccalaureate Diploma Program and all I got was this lousy medal.
I have acquired three major head injuries. I have no clue (genuinely) if this is relevant to the fact that-
12 antidepressants, 3 stimulants, 3 solved nutrient deficiencies, 2 antipsychotics, lithium carbonate, 5 psychiatrists, and 4 therapists have been unsuccessful as of yet.
Ah, ♥♥♥♥, I did. Fine:
Ever since the downfall of my artistic endeavors, I've taken up writing [archiveofourown.org] as my go-to time waster.
I am responsible for making at least five people bisexual. No this is not a bit; I have no clue how it happened either, given that I have the personality of a stapler that only pushes staples outward, the disposition of a barn owl, and look like the child of Christopher Walken and Mussolini, but I will take my victories where-ever I can get them.
I am top ten in the "chairs placed in one year" statistic for my state. Probably. We don't actually have a citation for that, but you find me ten people with more than 6,000 and I'll concede my title.
I have spent roughly 4% of the hours I've been alive across Factorio, TF2, and Blender. 6% if we don't include time sleeping.
Maybe I need to switch the topic to keep it fun.
Fun fact: You can likely cut the size of all your files in half, if you convert all of your images to webp, audio to opus, and video h264. Okay, fine, you can keep png images if you need to edit them.
Fun fact: The National Association of Realtors spent $80 million USD on lobbying in 2020.
Fun fact: The money spent developing the F-35 ($450B) could have been used to give everyone experiencing homelessness in the US (800k) enough money to afford the median monthly rent ($1500) and food cost ($500) for two decades. Don't agree with the numbers? Let's try $400B, 1M, and $2500: 6 years. You could recover from a lot of health issues in that time, find a job, find love...

Ah, right, you're still here. For some reason.
You wanna add me? Go ahead, you know the drill, leave a comment.
You wanna scam me? Who am I kidding, you're not reading this and you certainly aren't going to leave a comment, why did I even write this?
I can't conceive of any other reason you're here, but I hope you find the answers you're looking for.

Yeah, what the hell, I spent all this time consuming it I might as well tell you what was worth it:
Factorio, Wube Software (I will never be a shill for any company, but if I had to, it would be Wube)
Mass Effect trilogy, Bioware
Fallen London, Failbetter Games
Gunpoint, Tom Francis (See also: Heat Signature, Tactical Breach Wizards)
Blender, the Blender Foundation ( that's not a game you moron it entertains me!)

Koethe (All of it. Okay, that's a lot to ask for; try This Old Sin and Falling After Me)
rj lake (Try WOLF BARK, NEGATIVE TIME and Feel (Alive). Yep, he's responsible for a lot of the bangers in the Homestuck discography. Also, UNBEATABLE )
I'm Geist (I mean he is I'm Geist. I'm at first base, What's at- no, he's... Where were we? Right: bury the ghost, butterfly kisses, HATE ME!)
Julien Wolf (Overexposed, Keep Your Secrets, Way Back Home)

Pantheon, Craig Silverstein (It feels wrong to credit singular people here, but if I don't list something it messes up the list's format, and I certainly will not credit a network over the creators)
The Man in the High Castle, Frank Spotnitz
The Expanse, Fergus and Ostby
Primer, Shane Carruth (Why yes indeed I am a hipster, how could you tell?)

Remembrance of Earth's Past trilogy, Cixin Liu
Catch-22, Joseph Heller
Apostol, Tom M. Mathematical Analysis, a Modern Approach to Advanced Calculus. California Institute of Technology. Addison-Wesley Publishing, 1957.
I'm kidding about that last one. If I see another ∀ or ε or B (0, 1) = { x ∈ Rⁿ : || x ||₂ < 1} in my life I am going to scream.

Worm/Ward, Wildbow (And after that, anything by Ack13, particularly Recoil or Security!)
Homestuck, Andrew Hussie (If this makes me lose all credibility, pretend I never said that)
17776/20020, Jon Bois

(oh god why is he still talking? Why are you still reading?)
Levin Garland, remanedur
Kurumi Tokisaki, Date a Live
Angel Dust, Hazbin Hotel
(This section is hidden at the very bottom of the infobox for absolutely zero reason at all)