Plantypus EliteBallKnowledge ◓ 最近的评测

🎶 Sooooooooooooon, my RV
I only went cuz the campsite is dirty
And I doooon't have a decent walkie talkie
What you geeeeet is just what's in the RV, yeah
I'm unstuck sooooo, I shift it freely
And all the beer-pissed rattlesnakes I feed me
I never weeeeellld or climb up a tree yeah
I found this beanieeeee

Yippee-ippee-ey-ey-ay-yey-yey
I had to winch-tow some brother today
And I smoke cigs, what you gonna say
So come on and saaay iiiiit
Come on and put the fish on ice 🎶

- By The Frowning Tuesdays

Diving head-first into a walnut-sized piece of concrete. Writing an essay that only your dog will digest. Catching a penny someone tried to flip into a fountain for good luck. Ignoring the wrong command from your dominatrix. Stepping on a LEGO piece.

It's an instinctual knowing, walking around the arrondissements of San Paro.

Yet through all the carnage I have laid upon my physical being and the candyflip that is the world around me, there is still one principle I come back for, and it's not to write a self-fellatiating Bourdain-esque critique of your archetypal cult classic PC MMO shooter.

Rather, in the Year of Our Lorde, Anno Domini, reverse-chronological BCE to the BBC Doc-u-ment-ar-y...it's the soundtrack. It is the sonic vibrations of the pavement in the Financial District that keeps me tethered to my rocksteady drip of nostalgia. Fancy?

Whipping through an alleyway to deliver a pig's organ to a wealthy person's questionable drop-off site, in a knockoff lambo, cannot be fully actualized, like some other media we know (ZERO DARK TWENTY) without the groovin' rides of Gimme That Punk by Audio Bullys? Or whizzing through a disconnect-fall-off-a-skyscraper combo to Mad World? Or having a troll's scream sychronize lyrically to She, Robot by The Cells? Revisiting all of these and more is like taking a warm bath: an afterglow of fizzing bath soaps and with the quesadilla from the bodega around the corner, washing it down with a lime Jarrito some homeless GUY ON THE CORNER OF WEST AND FIFTH ALMOST SLIT YOU FOR.

I was not a full entity in the days of Ebert's double-thumbing empire, but this game was released a mere 2 years before his death. Surely, if not he, someone at his web domain will see to it, that this Branch Floridian Ron Desanctimonious piece of art is honored, both for it's very anarchist and capitalist duality that would've made Marx rewrite his entire opus and the Founding Fathers question if the 2A would cover firing RPGs out of pseudo-Bentleys.

I end this meditation with a word cloud salad and several unnecessary punctuations:

AUDIO BULLY SAN PARO SHOT!
S SAD EXPULSION
INFORMATIVE rocksteady
Nicely Done Epigraph Records
I D-isestablishmentarianism
N.E.E.D.S
EpipensDoNotMakeTheMan Tattoos Jazz Club Nice
P LE
LEAP Of FaItH hidradenitis suppurativa
AP
YearningForSoftCell
E SIN CITY BUT MAKE IT COASTAL
RoyaltiesOfTheseSongsMustNotHaveBeenPaidOtherwiseTheyWould'veKeptAllTheBanginAnthems
Saints of Boondocks

.-. . .-.. . .- ... . / - .... . / ... --- ..- -. -.. - .-. .- -.-. -.- / .- ... / .- -. / .-.. .--. / -.-- --- ..- / -... .- ... - .- .-. -.. ...

So dirty
I could not see out my windshield.
So dirty
I could not show this to my parents.
So dirty
I could not see to the bottom.
So dirty
I drank it like a chocolate milkshake.
So dirty
I planted a garden on it.
So dirty
The Food and Drug Administration called for questioning.
So dirty
I had to put it through five spin cycles.
So dirty
I watched both Joe Dirts with it.
So dirty
It spanked me.
So dirty
I forgot to switch the amp to clean distortion.
So dirty
I had to put a Parental Advisory label on it.
So dirty
Neither bleach nor Drain-o helped.
So dirty
I put a quarter in the swear jar.
So dirty
Chamillionaire called and wanted his music royalties.
So dirty
I got ten strains of flu from it and that's not even supposed to be possible.
So dirty
I actually washed between my fingernails this time.
So dirty
That everyone died.
So dirty
Your storage drives try to purge it after shutting down.
So dirty
The Dirty Dozen gave it a Purple Heart.
So dirty
No amount of jerk and cleans at the gym will make it go away.
So dirty
It's the bomb!!!

Planets Apart brings together what Sea of Icarus and Guns of Thieves could never accomplish on their own. But it would be too facile to call it the love child of the two. Calling it the "happy medium" between these two titans is perhaps the better description. And you too can harness the diversion of this pirate shipper by following This 1 Weird Review.

You start out nubile to the world, an infant in the womb, a Neo in the Matrix. Your first task, throwing caution to the wind, is to grapple your way out of the stoney lonesome flying 1,000 feet above the air for no reason, and onto the island below without splatting. You inevitably will, so just accept the fact that F = m * a and however the Unity engine and the developer's handled that equation will cause you to lose around 20 health for dropping one foot from the ground. And I hope your character likes berries, because that seems to be the most abundant food source around besides giant killer bees and flying manta rays that want to hump your ship into submission.

The game also offers sincere work-arounds for hardships encountered by your m80 (or first-mate, for you land lubbers). Getting thrown from your ship-midflight due to pesky clipping through the ship's hull? That's okay, just wait for a Blight storm to come by and literally (yes, LITERALLY in the literal sense) strip your ship down to nothing but the frame like a cheap striptease. Trying to pass through a windwall for the first time? Just make sure you don't attach any sails, and add like 6 engines to your hull for maximum horsepower (making sure the Atlas Core doesn't start yappin' about Mario eating too much pasta or whatever).

Overall, this is a fun game with friends. And you can even make friends on the islands because no one usually cares about PvP in this god-forsaken land (come on, piracy has its roots in blasting planks apart, lootin' the booty, and DMCA complaints). It is Early Access, but I'm glad I accessed it early.

EDIT:

What a friend would like to see if there is ever a sequel/or from Voids Adrift:
From a friend:

-Fix zone by removing 1/3 of the map and condensing islands that are dum and non intuitive.
-Redo zone structure
-FIX player hitboxes, random damage, random velocity speed up into damage, etc. fix so it plays more like rust in a sense that you wouldn't be suspectible to damage from random issues.
-Fix movement to be more smooth, i.e. running is choppy, and slows down in abrupt manner not very intuitive for gameplay either.
-Fix damage coefficients because they're too big or random or not accurate. needs actual f**ing buffing/nerfing/counterplay not just static damage.
-Remove player down animation, no longer have player be unable to interact if received big damage chunk etc. not intuitive to gameplay causes issues for both parties,
-Enemy doesn't know if youre dead, you are frustrated you can't play and might fall off ship.
-Fix consumable items, I.E. Lantern, headlamp, glider, jetpack. Make all usable items have no durability cost, never dropped upon death, this causes incentive to actually get them.
-FIX TREES GIVING DAMAGE AT ALL WHEN FALLING ONTO PLAYER, OR ANY OBJECT THAT IS NOT DIRECTLY A PROJECTILE BULLET OR CANNON AMMO. Or other player device that is lethal.
-FIX FALL DSAMAGE BY REMOVING IT ENTIRELY CAUSE ITS POINTLESS
-Fix walls being aids, should be hard but not end game material, they should be a step towards progression not the entire game...

MAJOR CHANGES:
-When ship building you enter a phase, and can invite friends, to that phase area.
This allows for no issue with ship building and can even be done in an editor for flat ground etc. grab tools from a icon instead of making some part generator garbage.
-Create safezone city capital in the center so that peopel can trade and talk
-Create chat channels. world channel, trade channel, etc. USABLE ALL THE TIME. REGULAR IGNORE, ETC.
-ADD FRIEND LIST LIKE A NORMAL F**ING GAME
-ADD party system like crew, but is actually useful and shows party health etc, if dead or not etc.
-Add medical system such as meds from rust, or health kits, in to heal mid combat, balancing required. Berries should not be only source of health regen.
-Add melee weapons and usable melee interface not just ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ guns jfc.
-Add more guns with different balancing factors, obviously the guns can be crafted this can serve as a mini progress tree like how you evolve from pistol to smg to ar to rocket
-New safezone city u can spawn at and then choose what island to go to, to start off. This way you don't have to ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ jump around to get with friends.
-Harvesting rates increased to 1.5x rate, also tick rate increase by 1.5x to remove annoyance in mining and useless skill gap for some reason.
-GO THROUGH PROPER TUTORIAL NOT THAT SH**TY F**ING ADDED TUTORIAL WHICH DID NOTHING TO HELP PLAYERS AT ALL.
-PRELIMINARY QUEST ICONS OR ACTIONS TO TEACH PEOPLE IN THE SAFECITY ONCE FINISHED WILL BE PHASED OR NOT PHASED IDK HOWEVER EASIEST TO EVERYONE ELSE. NO PHASING WORLDWIDE THIS ISN'T SH**TY WOW.
-Quality rates are removed and replaced with factors of 1-3. 3 BEING ONLY 10% BETTER THAN QUALITY 1 AND NOT BEING A DRAMATIC INCREASE. quality 2 would be 5% better. this provides incentive to how ship destruction and rebuilding will work.
-NEW SHIP BUILDING IMPLEMENTATION I NTHE FORM OF RESOURCES. WHEN YOU WANT TO REBUILD YOUR HSIP SELECT ITEM, IDENTIFY THE CURRENT QUALITY/MATERIAL, SCRAP IT FOR A PERCENTAGE AND THEN PUT NEW QUALITY/MATERIAL INSIDE.
-Add more content such as player cosmetics, different monsters to hunt that drop good cosmetics and blueprints for all sorts of items etc.
-Blueprints don't reset,
-Complete rework of knowledge system. currently it offers randomness would like to add skill tree into each dviison of part. also skill tree into person people and possibly melee and guns. opening up more combat tactics.
-Atlas core reactivity increase such that it reacts easier this makes flying more easy and landing simplier, its currently way to clanky and you have no real control for a place any smaller than 2x your ship.
-Building overhaul, this will bring in true physic elements such as not only having frames to make yourself lighter. not stacking components so that your ship takes basically no cannon damage whatsoever. if your atlas core is exposed.
you will be subject to taking heavy splash damage from that area if its within new cannon dmg range. this will help eliminate the current build meta which has no diversity among it.
-Proper guild system not some s**tty guild system. guild chat.
-Event system that are daily/weekly/monthly. these don't have to be huge just put timers in the game and events to make people go out/pvp over etc,
it doesn't cost much to implement these things just reuse certain npcs and use your f**ing brain.
-Redo treasure hunting to become a common thing that players do as an additional pve thing to get movement going, currently knowledge was not enough and even new revamps to skill and knowledge will not be enough.
there needs to be serious incentive other than knowledge to venture to other islands, you should see a cool island and be like woah a cool glow, and an icon ON THE MAP WHICH EXISTS NOW CAUSE IT ALWAYS SHOULD HAVE.
that icon will provide loot maybe low/high tier depends on zone area. it has small chances to drop high loot this way people will want to come back.
-Zones will have speed caps and dmg caps relative to the tier they're in, this may change drastically and be scrapped together. it was a nice attempt at limiting people but turned people away from revisiting so will likely be changed.
-1-3 outposts in game which add to safezones, also guarded by npcs.
-Auctionhouse usable at outpost/maincity
-Player sellable shops etc,
-Npcs at each outpost which offer talent/ship things and blueprints for sale
-introduction of alasite currency to earn etc in addtion to knowledge and treasure hunting

There are a plethora of other changes that must be imple

So before we begin I must congratulate Riot for trying to top this game with thou shalt not speaketh its name (LoL). However, in the ~5 hours I've played this, I must admit The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. [beep] A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. [ding] Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start.

And so really, that's why I liked this game so much, 2*pi/10.

*WARNING: IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY NEATURE WALK VIDEOS DO NOT READ FURTHER*

It would be too facile to call theHunter a videogame. Ladies and gentlemen, it's a masterpiece.

But it's more than that even...

If you ever thought a deer and a computer running a nature simulator 2016 (Vine Compilation Gone Sexual Gone Wrong)
could make a lovechild like this, well just add DJ Khaled to that and call it a threesome. No, call it...

theHunter*

*case sensitive

Now let's chop open the chordwood on this game (for non-nature-people, the details). Immediately you are surrounded by a beautiful world of 1920 x 1080 (depending on your graphics card, resolution, and Youtube buffer speed) with vast splines of mountains, rippling waters that just make you wet, and tall conifers (again, depending on how much money you poured into your PC tower with the CPU batter and the RAM eggs to make a custom PC cake). Experience a world you could only find with an expensive plane ticket to the Northwest Hemisphere* or in your backyard if you had a world-class landscape education like me. I haven't played this game high (because that would be illegal, duh) but I'm sure it would be a literal trip as well.

*I was testing y'all geomagraphically...

For the graphics alone, I'm feeling a strong 8 to 9 on this Tha-nthony Huntano* album review. This could be a nature walk simulator, or a sitting simulator, or a I'm-doing-my-homework-mom-it's-just-my-computer-is-idling-on-this-nice-wallpaper-that-for-once-isn't-a-naked-lady simulator. Seriously though, something puts my mind at ease playing this game, besides the fact I'm suppose to be hunting Bambi.

*Anthony Fantano theneedledrop on YT you plebs...

11/10-got-impaled-by-a-moose-that-I-didn't-have-a-license-to-kill-yet-this-is-how-the-real-world-works-you-shoot- the-animal-the-bullets-are-deflected-if-you-aren't-allowed-to-kill-it-would hike again.

Basically, if you want to simulate your teen years trying to suck up to a <female dog> that puts you on an emotional rollercoaster, then play this game. I understand it could be considered a reflection of a real life story, but this is a story with no real...resolution. Is the resolution is to somehow stop yourself from being conned into these waste-of-time relationships? But you would never know it hurt until you got into one yourself and had some great experiences. So should you avoid all relationships altogether to completely eliminate that chance? Not quite...

...I think it more or less shatters the expectation that the one you think will be with you forever is meant to be with you. There is no ONE person, and statistically there are probably several different viable candidates (even based on your picky 'ol criteria!). I mean look at the side character Emma or whoever it is you end up hanging out with at college. What the <H-E -Double Hockey Sticks> was wrong with her? Did she die? Seems like you had buttloads of fun with her!

Maybe when I have gone through the thick of these teen/young adult years I will come out with a better resolution, but perhaps this is what the author meant: It is best that you go away sometimes, that you set the pace for your life and that emotional attachments, like most other things, can be transient in this world. But don't let this get you down, it may be worth it to love after all, and we are social creatures. I wish you the best of luck with this.

4.5/5 Heart Containers

What? I like this game for the volleyball. Who made this game, EA Big? Hehe...

It even made it to #90 on the 100 top video games of all dunkey.

Hit F4 for a surprise...
KAWAII SQUAREPANTS!

This game is riveting, filled with only the SPICIEST of allusions to movies like the Titanic, and also, the Titanic (only Leo's version though). My mouth was watering with suspense at having the surprising "Caught by Mom" ending that is sure to leave you in tears of bliss for downloading this game, but mostly, tears of sadness for the fact that you downloaded this game. I suggest not showing this to anyone, for it is a deep experience that I wish I had encountered as a 12 year-old girl playing with Barbies. Alas, those were days of yore...and my Barbie dolls were good Christians.

Besides the emotional s̶c̶a̶r̶r̶i̶n̶g̶ jarring of this game, the gameplay itself was not as up to par as I hoped. I will be metaphorically ripping this game a new plastic bumhole. WASD control is key (pun absolutely intended) in any FPS, especially with the nauseating aspect ratio and panning between the mother at the door and the girl near the fireplace. And just like most modern pizzas of today, where is the stuffed cheesy crust? That is the number one thing I want in a pie, and they just ain't delivering, that's DiGiorno for ya'. But I digress...there is little more time to put into this game than the actual amount of time coitus is performed. That is about all that is realistic, even though this game is clearly a ripoff of the fictitious Nancy Drew series. At least they casted a strong female protagonist, whose grunts and "ews" have me reminiscing of Jimmy Fallon's pop culture icon "Ew". It could use a little more cowbell, and cheese. I ordered a Diet Dr. Kelp and the Krusty Krab just didn't have its head in the game, you know? That offense was looking a little weak in the playoffs I don't know if they will make it to the tournament.

But with jests aside, the spinning brought on by pressing the "J" and "K" keys will have anyone Beyonce dancing as they speedrun (there is no choice, you speed run this game or it does it for you in about two minutes) through this fantastic masterpiece. Perhaps I was being a bit bipolar about calling this both a shipwreck and a masterpiece, but it begs the question, why not both in this post-modern era? Andy Warhol did it, and so can you. And at the end of the day, what is weirder? A purple talking squirrel on Dora (Tico is love, tico is life), which is meant to be an educational young hispanic girl's show, or this beautiful game about a humanistic, Freudian, Neitzche, Orwellian dystopia fanfic. Top that, Fifty Shades of Grey.

Both my friend and I were surely perplexed at first about where the standoff between the mother and child was going to go when you "get caught", but clearly this alternate ending just means Easter came early this year. Besides, this is like any great climax in literature: when Luke finds out Darth Vader is his father, when Indiana Jones almost gets his heart ripped out, and when Napoleon Dynamite finally spreads his wings at Happy Hands Club. Plus I could've sworn Tommy Wisseau did the voice acting, since the critically aclaimed "The Room" back in '03, when Kobe and Shaq were at the top of their game on the Lakers. In addition, why is my score not certain? I may have done "it" 188 times?

To summarize, I'd like to quote A̶r̶e̶t̶h̶a̶ ̶F̶r̶a̶n̶k̶l̶i̶n̶ Gloria Gaynor. "First I was afraid I was petrified." Indeed, I was petrified more than Hermione Granger (unsurprisingly played by an uppity feminist not unlike the women who made this game) in Harry Potter and the Chamber of the Big Snake. But who can blame these girls, in the heat of the moment at a game jam, for boiling down the pure aesthetics of sex into a 500 x 500 pixel window? I would certainly have done that in Ludum Dare (had I bothered participating in it [one of these days]). All in all, this is a watershed moment in gaming history, much like the Titanic was a watershed moment in nautical engineering over a century ago. Act like James Cameron got the scene right in the car when Leo and Kate were dry humping each other like beached dolphins. You simply CANNOT find this kind of interactive gold at the bottom of the sea, no matter how much money you spend on underwater robots. Flobots were right, and I quoth, "I can make computers survive aquatic conditions". Since their name is a portmanteau of "flow" and "robots", I think they know what they are rapping about.

I had to wash my hands of this game, literally with hand sanitizer just to symbolically predicate the fact that I uninstalled this horror. "I've washed my hands of you" - Love Grenades

I want a DLC/Sequel to this game more than Watch Dogs 2. Maybe a boy playing with action figures, less the hypersexualization of Wonder Women. Hell, make that one ABOUT hypersexualization in the media. Also perhaps a Konami code that uses Kamasutra positions of the dolls to get achievements. That's saying A LOT. Like AAAA LOOOOOOT.

10^e-5/10e-6 Free Game Is Free. LIBERTÉ, ÉGALITÉ, FRATERNITÉ!!!

Uhh great graaaaaamphix. Uhh...great graaaaameplay. There's a bit of a learning curve to not dying every 5 seconds but it is a worthy game in development.