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I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door….

🕷I🕷was🕷masturbating🕷one🕷time🕷but🕷then🕷I🕷saw🕷a🕷spider🕷and🕷it🕷freaked🕷me🕷out🕷so🕷I🕷came🕷on🕷the🕷spider🕷in🕷order🕷to🕷kill🕷it🕷

garfields ♥♥♥ can be used as an alternative fuel if you consider my ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ a vehicle

Hot tip: When someone yells pickpocket start searching for your wallet in the groin area and exclaim 'Thank God my wallet is safely tucked between my testicles'. The pickpocket will see this and assume that the wallet is there. These people usually have very supple and delicate hands so when they try to take your wallet you will instead get a pleasant fondling to your genital area.

Quite frankly, the fact that our two ball sacks have merged into a single unit is very upsetting to me. approximately 100,000 years ago, when our neanderthal ancestors roamed the earth and lived in caves, they had no worry about their testicles clanging against one another. in their separate sacks, neanderthals had no worry of their testicles wrapping around themselves or accidentally hitting each other. Hell, it would have been pure bliss to be able to put one testicle down each pant leg, amiright guys? Just the other day I was playing with my dad, and as he crouched his naked body on top of mine, his singular ball sack could only lay on one of my eyes, but never both. Imagine the ecstacy of being able to put one testicle on each of my eyes -- as if I were at a spa hydrating my eye lids with my dear dads sweet ball nectar. But a man can only dream, I suppose.