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I Sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter

WEE WOO WEE WOO

ALERT! COMEDY GOD HAS ENTERED THE BUILDING! GET TO COVER!

steps on stage

Bystander: "Oh god! Don't do it! I have a family!"

Comedy God: "Heh..."

adjusts fedora

the building is filled with fear and anticipation

God and Jesus himself looks on in suspense

comedy god clears throat

everything is completely quiet not a single sound is heard

world leaders look and wait with dread

everything in the world stops

nothing is happening

comedy god smirks

no one is prepared for what is going to happen

comedy god musters all of this power

he bellows out to the world

"ATTACK"

absolute suspense

everyone is filled with overwhelming dread

"HELICOPTER"

all at once, absolute pandemonium commences

all nuclear powers launch their nukes at once

giant brawls start

43 wars are declared simultaneously

(Carl delivers his bag at the Francis International Airport, Liberty City)

Carl Johnson: After five years on the East Coast, it was time to go home.

(Carl arriving at Los Santos International Airport, and his phone rings)

Carl (phone): 'Sup?

Sean "Sweet" Johnson (phone): Carl, it's Sweet.

Carl: Wassup, Sweet, what you want?

Sweet: It's Moms... She's dead, bro.

(Carl takes a cab, which is being pulled over by a police car)

Officer Frank Tenpenny: Passenger, show us your hands.

(Carl exits the cab and slowly walks backwards towards the police car.')

Tenpenny: Stop. Get down on your knees. Now down on your stomach.

(Carl does what he is told by Tenpenny)

Tenpenny: There you go. I'll take that, Hernandez.

(Officer Hernandez gives Carl's money to Tenpenny)

Carl: Hey, that's my paper, man. That's money.

Tenpenny: This is drug money.

Carl: My money, man.

ofc

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