My dude!! I'm still alive? How about you?

How’s life b

YOU 👉 ARE OUT OF UNIFORM 😎🏅😍 SOLIDER! WHERE IS YOUR 👈 POWER 💪 ARMOR 💪?! Don't 🚫👆 have any? YOU 👈 EXPECT 😃 ME TO BELIEVE 🙏 THAT MAGGOT 🐛🏹? THE TRUTH 🙌 IS, YOU 👈 LOST 🏳 AN EXPENSIVE 💵 PIECE 🧩 OF ARMY-ISSUED EQUIPMENT 🎿! THAT SUIT 🕴 IS COMING 💦😩🍆 OUT OF YOUR 👉🙈 PAY 💰! AND YOU 👈 WILL REMAIN 😥 IN THIS MAN'S 👨 ARMY 💂👮🔫 UNTIL YOU 👉 ARE; FIVE 🔥 HUNDRED 💯 AND TEN 🍆 YEARS 📅 OLD 👴, WHICH IS THE NUMBER 🔢 OF YEARS 🕐📅 IT WILL TAKE 👊 FOR YOU 👉 TO PAY 🤑💲 FOR A MARK 👀 II 👁😩 POWERED 🔌 COMBAT 🔫 ARMOR 💪🙅 YOU 👈😱😡 HAVE LOST 💸! REPORT 🚔🚫🚨 TO THE ARMORY 🗡⚔⛓ AND HAVE A NEW 🆕 SUIT 🕴 ISSUED ⏲! AND REPORT 🚔🚫🚨 BACK 🔙 TO ME PRIVATE 🕵! DISMISSED 🔕!

+rep *upon seeing a bmw series 3 with 500k km on counter* BLYAT THIS BE MY BRAND NEW BIMMER!!!111!!11

If you want cute emo boys to suck you off, that's pretty straight, not gonna lie

I have been in this subreddit for almost a year so l'm so used to seeing gay sh1t so much I just got done watching gay emo p0rn on p0rnhub, every time I see straight p0rn my d1ck is soft as a marshmallow but everytime I see gay p0rn my d1ck grows into a tree. I always try to force myself to watch straight p0rn to tell myself "I'm straight and not gay" but nothing even works. I'm still watching gay emo p0rn and I just wish I could get those cute emo boys to suck my d1ck. Please help me confirm that I'm straight. Please I'm even gooning to this sh1t and I can't stop myself. I feel like I am possessed by a gay ghost forcing me to watch gay p0rn and get rock hard on it, what have I done to deserve this?