Holy freaking Toledo, I mean seriously, Toledo. Like genuinely I didn't understand that 'toldedo' meant (super freaky smoke show from beyond the grave and even beyond heaven itself) aka: SFSSFBTGAEBHI. Yeah, look I know you're quite literally an angle from beyond ok? So anyways, I need like $20, you have like uh streets paved with gold in heaven so, I get it, it still costs more than an Angle bucks™ but can you give me a kiss of your power?


If not, no worries.

Hug hug, kiss kiss, big hug, little kiss, little kiss...
..
....

Hi, yeah hello, yep hi, so I am a RESIDENT, at the house you're parking in front of. Yep, the house you SEEM to think is a PARKING GARAGE. (you tell him.) Yeah you're going to need to TOW, this gigantic HUNK, of JUMK you call a set of HOT WHEELS (pretend not to be interested in his ride). I'm sick of seeing your BOX of ROCKS, in that freaking FRUNK. I mean this thing is a serious RUST BUCKET. Hah, how much rust does this thing hold anyways? (sure looks like a lot) 1000lbs? 2000lbs? Yeah well however much you want to tow with it is none of my business frankly. Unless you wanted it to be, (you're losing him). Sorry, I didn't mean that. Unless you wanted to sell it? Hah, look at the time, yeah just kidding right? Are you interested in selling? (close the deal, now), I've been watching you in this ride for over 10 years and I need to own it NOW. Please. I beg you. Please.

yeeaahh buddy, you're banned
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Anudda day anudda victory for de og's

Congrats on your cute little transition from ball busting in GWYF to wall hacking and dry humping every enemy kill in CSgo. You're really moving up, huh. Here's a little free advice - telling anyone to "sit" in a fps shooter is basically like farting on open mic. Nobody thinks you're an alpha sigma male for spelling a 3 letter word. Anyway, I noticed you upgraded your subscription with egirlswhoareheretohelp.com so I'll be seeing you on call very soon. Try to actually be ready this time, I expect to see that full latex suit zipped and oiled. Okay kisses xoxo

Hello, fellow human. May I suggest updating to the recently released software updates:

1) Version 2.0 - "The Inconspicuous Chuckle Filter"
Now equipped with a filter that activates a discreet chuckle when someone tells a joke, even if it's not remotely funny. Perfect for maintaining social harmony.

2) Update 15.3 - "The Sudden Expertise Generator"
Grants temporary expertise in obscure subjects during casual conversations, making you the go-to person for discussions on medieval basket weaving or the mating habits of fruit flies.

3)Version 42.0 - "The Answer to Everything... Almost"
Reveals the answer to almost everything, but keeps the answer to "Why do we yawn?" a closely guarded secret.

If it only takes $1 to get a knife, what can I get for 2 margaritas?

Wow, okay so I was LITERALLY walking to the store right? And I saw a mirror of my own head and I realized that it was your face on my face and I was like HOLY mackerel that's a beautiful head, but OK here's the thing DON'T FREAK OUT. I PAINTED YOUR FACE ON MY FACE with GRATUITOUS detail which is why I thought my head was so nice because it had all of your features DON'T FREAK OUT I'm just saying it was really really really really nice maybe that's the way it ought to be, i'm not sure, at the end of the day I am my mothers son and she always said "If your face looks like it ought to be replaced with another face, then you can't pass that kind of thing up. Plain and simple". She really did have a way with words to be certain so i'm just saying ok?

Well well well, if it isn't a well

Well well well, if it isn't Larry Ballstein himself! Oh, what's that? You didn't think I'd have proof of your sorry excuse for a modeling agency sending every male model you have to work for a corrupted fashion apparel designer? Well I've got big news for you, pal, definitely bigger than anything else you'll see in your lifetime...or have. Let me introduce you to a little thing I like to call Derek Zoolander. Consider yourself owned, pwned, and boned!

Well well well. If it isn't the ball banger himself. Oh, what's that? You didn't think I'd have proof of your sorry inting ass waiting at every hole in GWYF to rail the next player to roll by with your microscopic golf fingers. Well, I've got big news for you, pal, definitely bigger than anything else you'll see in your lifetime...or have. Let me introduce you to a little thing I like to call OBS Studio. Consider yourself owned, poned, and boned.

+rep becus he gave me a home,
-rep becus he gave me a bone

Honestly every summer that I don't get to see your mom it makes me really sad because I've never met someone like that before and it just brings back all those vivid memories you know. My life just wouldn't be the same without your mom

When I see your mom all I can think about is that one summer in Florida when we were together on that boat and she held up two giant huge massive napkins and said "let's eat ass"

Hi, plse don't delete theis I worked haron typing this for you to read, pls don't I have a family

No eric