Dapperly 最近的评测

Abiotic Factor is basically what happens when you lock a bunch of PhD nerds in a science facility, hand them crowbars, and tell them “good luck surviving.” It’s like playing Half-Life, but instead of Gordon Freeman being a cool silent hero, you’re a middle-aged botanist trying to beat an alien to death with a folding chair because the cafeteria ran out of sandwiches. Every time I think I’m making progress, I get distracted building some Frankenstein monstrosity of a base that looks like OSHA would cry just by glancing at it. The game is chaotic genius: one second I’m desperately screaming as interdimensional horrors chase me down a hallway, the next I’m planting tomatoes in a corner like it’s Stardew Valley on hard drugs. It’s everything I didn’t know I wanted from a survival game, and it’s so good that I’m willing to forgive the fact that I now have a deep distrust of any coworker who even mentions lab experiments.

Tainted Grail: The Fall of Avalon is basically Skyrim if Skyrim had been left out in the rain for a few weeks, grown mold, and somehow come back stronger, moodier, and infinitely more British. I stumbled into this cursed island expecting a grim dark tale of despair, but instead I got lost for three hours in a swamp arguing with a skeleton who called me “mate” before stabbing me because I dared to ask for directions. The game nails that perfect balance of “epic RPG” and “this side quest will ruin my weekend.”

The combat feels like someone gave Dark Souls a mead horn and told it to behave, which means you’ll die a lot, but at least you’ll look stylish doing it. Loot is plentiful in that 80% of it makes you wonder if medieval peasants just carried garbage for fun, but occasionally you get something shiny that makes you feel like you could punch King Arthur himself right in his holy jaw. Also, let’s not gloss over the fact that this game has the most aggressively depressing atmosphere ever—yet I can’t stop playing. It’s like eating sad medieval soup that secretly tastes amazing.

In short: I came here for grim Arthurian legend, stayed because I accidentally joined a cult, got lost in a haunted forest, and realized this might be the most fun I’ve had being miserable. 10/10 would get stabbed by a talking corpse again.

Played 40+ hours on Steam Deck but I guess Steam decided that didn't count so now I am sitting at 4 hours total but oh well. Anyway, I went into Cult of the Lamb expecting a cute little farm simulator where I could pet animals, water crops, and live my best cozy life. What I got instead was the satanic Animal Crossing fever dream where my sheep in a crown brainwashed woodland creatures into unpaid labor, threw them into prison when they dared to question my divine authority, and then harvested their faith while they vomited from food poisoning because I forgot to cook properly. I thought I’d feel guilty about sacrificing followers, but then Barry the squirrel decided to dissent right in front of everyone, and suddenly the pit of eternal fire seemed like the best HR solution. Somehow the game makes mass indoctrination, ritual blood sacrifices, and demonic crusades feel warm and fuzzy, like snuggling up in a fleece blanket made of heresy. If you’ve ever wanted to play God, therapist, dictator, and Gordon Ramsay all at once, this is the cult simulator your morally questionable soul has been waiting for.

After 8+ hours of co-op chaos, I can confidently say this game runs smoother than a buttered-up Slip ’N Slide on a hot summer day. Not one crash. Not one stutter. My PC was so relaxed it practically started purring. At one point I sneezed and expected the game to implode...nope, it just kept running like it knew I had allergies.

The weapons? Ridiculous. I picked up a shotgun that literally insulted me every time I reloaded it, and I’ve never felt so motivated to keep shooting things. Movement feels incredible too, I slid so far I think I technically trespassed into another lobby. And the Halo-style ghost-in-my-pocket mechanic for vehicles? Absolute genius. Summoning a ride out of thin air in the middle of a firefight never gets old.

I’m also glad I went straight for Hard-mode. Based on how it’s been going, I think Normal would’ve felt like easy street with training wheels. And for once, legendaries actually feel legendary. They don’t fall out of every trash can like loose change anymore, which makes finding one actually exciting instead of “oh great, another golden paperweight.”

10/10, would park illegally and get insulted by my own shotgun again.

Well, well, well. Abyssus. Or as I like to call it, "Generic Shooter #4,739: Now with 50% More Mediocrity!"
Where do I even start with this cosmic joke masquerading as a video game? Abyssus makes other generic shooters look like works of art. It's like someone took the most boring elements from every FPS ever made, removed anything remotely interesting, and then charged money for the privilege of experiencing digital disappointment.
This isn't just mediocre - it's aggressively, almost artistically terrible. It's the gaming equivalent of soggy cardboard pretending to be a gourmet meal.
But the crown jewel of this dumpster fire? The crosshair placement disaster. That little white crosshair that every other game in existence manages to put in the CENTER of the screen? Well, Abyssus said "hold my energy drink" and decided to place it about a full crosshair-length south of where it belongs.
Here's the fun part - because this crosshair sits too low, you CONSTANTLY shoot below your target. Want to hit an enemy in the chest? Congrats, you just shot the ground in front of their feet! Trying to line up a headshot? You're now the proud owner of a participation trophy for hitting absolutely nothing.
The only way to make it "feel" remotely correct is to tilt your character's view up toward the ceiling like you're some kind of confused astronomer searching for gaming constellations. I spent half the game running around staring at the sky like a lost tourist, just so my shots would land somewhere in the same postal code as my enemies.
It's like the developers created an elaborate prank where every bullet comes out of your gun's barrel at a downward angle. "Oh, you wanted to hit what you're aiming at? How quaint! Here, have some floor damage instead."
Oh, and let's talk about the "arsenal" - all EIGHT whole guns that feel like they were designed by someone who's never actually held a firearm or played a shooter. Each one handles like a wet pool noodle trying to shoot marshmallows. No meaningful gear progression, no exciting loot drops, just... nothing. It's like they forgot games are supposed to have STUFF in them.
The boss fights? Chef's kiss Pure artistic genius if your goal is to make players question their life choices. These "epic encounters" left me more confused than a chameleon in a bag of Skittles. I spent more time scratching my head wondering what the developers were thinking than actually being challenged or entertained.
Here's the kicker: I played the beta and thought "eh, it's rough but they'll fix it for launch, right?" WRONG. This IS the launch version, and it feels exactly like that same unfinished beta I played months ago. It's like they spent the entire development cycle perfecting the art of doing absolutely nothing. This game feels more beta than actual betas.
Graphics that would embarrass a mobile game from 2015, and audio design that sounds like someone recorded everything through a McDonald's drive-thru speaker during a tornado.
But hey, at least it's consistent! Consistently unfinished, that is. Nothing feels meaningful, nothing feels rewarding, and nothing feels like it belongs in a completed game. It's impressive in the worst possible way - like watching someone fail at failing.
Final verdict: This isn't just a waste of money, it's a waste of perfectly good hard drive space. I've played mobile ads with more depth and engagement. The only thing this game successfully accomplished was making me appreciate literally every other shooter I've ever played.
Would I recommend this game? Only if you need a digital equivalent of watching paint dry, but somehow less exciting. At least paint eventually finishes drying - this game will leave you in perpetual disappointment limbo.

Let me tell you a story about love, loss, and the most dramatic comeback story in gaming history. I bought this game at launch thinking I'd get Battlefield magic. Instead, I got what can only be described as "a beta test that escaped from the lab and somehow ended up on store shelves."
But here's the plot twist nobody saw coming: This game went from "digital disaster" to "actually pretty great" and I witnessed the entire transformation like a proud parent watching their child learn to walk... after falling down the stairs for two years.

THE GOOD (NOW):

Finally remembered it's supposed to be a Battlefield game! The maps actually flow properly and I no longer feel like I'm playing in an empty parking lot.
Portal Mode is basically "What if we let the community fix our game for us?" and it WORKED. Genius level problem-solving.
The gunplay that was broken at launch now feels crisp. My bullets go where I point them! Revolutionary concept!
128 players still creates absolute chaos, but now it's the GOOD kind of chaos where I'm laughing instead of crying.

THE LAUNCH ERA (NEVER FORGET):

Those first few months were like being in an abusive relationship but with a video game. "It'll get better," I told myself while rubber-banding across the map.
Remember when the scoreboard was just... missing? Like, the entire concept of "who's winning" was apparently too complex for a $70 AAA game.
My favorite launch memory: Getting killed by an enemy I literally could not see because the render distance had trust issues.
The specialists system launched so badly that even the specialists looked embarrassed to be there.

MEMORABLE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT:

Went from "I WANT MY MONEY BACK" to "Okay this is actually fun now" to "Wait, am I... enjoying this?"
Experienced all five stages of grief but for a video game purchase
Developed Stockholm syndrome with the controversial specialists. Angel is my friend now. We've been through too much together.
My friends stopped asking me about BF2042 because my rants were affecting their mental health. Fair.

THE REDEMPTION ARC:

This game taught me that sometimes love means watching something you care about completely face-plant, then slowly get back up, dust itself off, and remember how to be amazing. It's like if your favorite restaurant burned down, reopened two years later, and somehow the food was better than before.

ACTUAL GAMEPLAY NOW:

30% having legitimate Battlefield moments that make me feel alive
25% appreciating how much they've actually fixed (it's genuinely impressive)
20% playing Portal maps and remembering why I love this franchise
15% marveling at how good the game looks when it's not broken
10% having philosophical thoughts about redemption and second chances

LIFE LESSONS LEARNED:

Sometimes the best things come from the worst launches
Patience is a virtue (that I definitely didn't have in 2021)
The gaming community's capacity for forgiveness when developers actually listen
Pre-ordering is still a scam, but miracles do happen

THE CURRENT STATE:

Look, I'm not gonna pretend this game had a good launch. It was a dumpster fire that could be seen from space. But the team actually listened, actually fixed things, and actually delivered the game we should have gotten in the first place.
Is it perfect? No. Is it the Battlefield game I wanted three years ago? Pretty close, actually. Is it worth playing now? Absolutely.
Would I recommend this game? Yes, but with the caveat that you're joining a redemption story in progress.
Should you trust EA launches? Absolutely not. But this proves they can fix things if enough people yell at them.
Is it better than launch? My friend, comparing current BF2042 to launch BF2042 is like comparing a Ferrari to a burning shopping cart.

Battlefield 2042: The game that taught me that sometimes the best stories are about coming back from rock bottom. Also, Portal Mode is basically gaming comfort food.

P.S. - To the developers: Thank you for not giving up. You turned one of gaming's biggest disasters into something genuinely enjoyable. That takes guts.

Bought this thinking it was just another roguelike. Turns out it's actually a philosophical treatise on the nature of narrative wrapped in the most addictive turn-based combat system ever created. Also, the monsters are literally stealing the ink from books and somehow this makes perfect sense after hour 3.
Nothing says "innovative gameplay" quite like playing chess with demons while your friend across the country judges your positioning skills in real-time.

THE GOOD:

Finally, a game where being a bookworm is literally the plot! The monsters are stealing stories and I'm taking this PERSONALLY.
Turn-based combat that doesn't make me want to throw my keyboard through the window. I can actually think about my moves instead of panic-clicking everything.
My co-op partner and I have developed a telepathic understanding of tactical positioning. We're basically a married couple now, but for roguelike strategies.
The art style is so gorgeous I keep getting distracted mid-combat. "Oh look, a beautiful death animation!" proceeds to get flanked by ink demons

THE BAD:

Started referring to difficult real-life situations as "ink corruption events." My boss is concerned about my mental state.
Tried to explain to my therapist why I have trust issues with libraries now. She suggested I "maybe read physical books for a while." Ma'am, the books are COMPROMISED.
My friends ask me to play other games and I'm like "But can you play co-op turn-based strategy with perfect synchronous combat?" They don't understand true art.
Google thinks I'm having an existential crisis based on my searches: "what happens when stories die" "can ink actually be evil" "turn-based relationship therapy"

MEMORABLE MOMENTS:

Spent 45 minutes planning the perfect four-person combo attack. Executed it flawlessly. We all high-fived through Discord. Peak human achievement unlocked.
My character got so powerful I was one-shotting bosses. Then I realized I was playing on Story Mode. Switched to higher difficulty and got immediately humbled by a book with legs.
Discovered there are like 20 different character builds and they all feel completely unique. I now have commitment issues but with statistical builds instead of romantic relationships.
My friend joined mid-run and watched me solo a boss with the grace of a tactical ballet dancer. I think I peaked as a human being in that moment.

CO-OP RELATIONSHIP DYNAMICS:

"Wait, don't move yet, I have the perfect setup!"
"Why did you move THERE? We talked about flanking strategies!"
"Okay but what if we tried the completely ridiculous combo we theorycrafted for 20 minutes?"
Combo works perfectly "WE ARE TACTICAL GENIUSES!"

ACTUAL GAMEPLAY BREAKDOWN:

25% carefully planning optimal moves
20% gasping at how pretty everything is
20% debating strategy with co-op partners like we're planning a military operation
15% getting way too emotionally invested in procedurally generated story fragments
10% trying new character builds
10% having existential thoughts about the nature of storytelling

LIFE LESSONS LEARNED:

Patience is not just a virtue, it's a tactical advantage
The best strategies are the ones you plan together
Sometimes the real treasure was the synchronized combat we achieved along the way
Books are apparently way more dangerous than I previously thought

Would I recommend this game? Absolutely, especially if you want to experience what it feels like to be a literary superhero with excellent time management skills.
Is it better single player or co-op? Co-op turns it from a great game into a life-changing social experience where you discover who your friends really are under tactical pressure.
Should you play if you hate turn-based games? This game might convert you. It's turn-based for people who thought they hated turn-based.

Thought this would be a methodical stealth game like Thief Simulator. Instead, I got a high-octane debt collection simulator where my mysterious loan shark benefactor has less patience than my credit card company. 10/10 for accuracy to real-life financial stress.
Nothing says "fresh start" quite like getting bailed out of jail only to immediately owe someone a fortune with interest rates that would make payday loans blush.

THE GOOD:

Finally, a career simulator that matches my actual job prospects!
The "mysterious benefactor" mechanic perfectly captures the feeling of borrowing money from someone whose kindness has a very short expiration date
Every heist feels like a performance review where failure means literal death instead of just emotional death
My criminal character has better problem-solving skills than I do, which is both inspiring and concerning

THE BAD:

Started calculating the risk/reward ratio of real-life activities. My wife asked why I was timing her grocery store trips.
Tried to explain to my accountant that my "business expenses" were actually "heist preparation costs." He's no longer returning my calls.
My neighbors think I'm casing their houses when I'm actually just appreciating good security system placement from a professional standpoint

MEMORABLE MOMENTS:

Successfully completed my first major heist. Felt like criminal mastermind. Immediately spent all the money on character upgrades and fancy clothes because priorities.
Discovered that the game's economics are more realistic than I expected - turns out crime doesn't actually pay that well after expenses, lawyer fees, and medical bills.
My benefactor called to "check in" on my progress. The passive-aggressive energy was so realistic I had Vietnam flashbacks to student loan phone calls.
Attempted a "simple" convenience store robbery. Left with $47 and a lifetime of trust issues with security cameras.

LIFE SKILLS ACQUIRED:

Advanced risk assessment (learned through catastrophic failure)
Time management under extreme pressure (debt collectors don't wait)
Creative problem solving (how to turn $20 into $2000 without getting murdered)
Stress management techniques (mostly screaming)

ACTUAL GAMEPLAY BREAKDOWN:

40% planning elaborate schemes
30% watching said schemes fall apart spectacularly
20% running from consequences
10% questioning my life choices that led to owing money to someone called "The Benefactor"

ROGUELITE FEATURES THAT HIT TOO CLOSE TO HOME:

Every run starts with crushing debt ✓
Success is measured by how long you can avoid complete financial ruin ✓
Death means starting over, but somehow still owing money ✓
The house always wins, but you keep playing anyway ✓

CAREER COUNSELING SESSION:

Turns out being a professional criminal is just like any other job - terrible work-life balance, unrealistic expectations from management (my benefactor), and constant performance anxiety. The only difference is that "getting fired" has a more literal meaning.
Would I recommend this game? Absolutely, if you enjoy the thrill of high-stakes financial irresponsibility without the real-world consequences.
Is it better than Thief Simulator? Different energy entirely - this is less "sneaky cat burglar" and more "desperate person making increasingly questionable life choices."
Should you play if you have actual debt? Probably therapeutic. Nothing makes real-life financial stress seem manageable like virtual financial stress with actual murder involved.
Crime Simulator: Where "get rich quick" schemes meet "die trying," and your mysterious benefactor makes your student loan servicer look like a caring grandmother.

P.S. - To my mysterious benefactor: I'm working on it, okay? Crime is harder than it looks, and the tutorial didn't cover emotional trauma management.

Started this thinking I'd be a cool space exterminator. Turns out I'm actually a corporate wage slave controlled by a literal cockroach named Roachard Cox who treats me like disposable equipment. The accuracy to real life employment is TERRIFYING.
Nothing says "professional pest control" quite like four broken robots with questionable AI shooting wildly at sentient mushrooms while screaming about quarterly performance reviews.

THE GOOD:

Finally, a game where my boss being a literal pest makes sense in the lore!
The fungi are more organized than my actual workplace. At least when they consume everything, they're efficient about it.
My robot character has more personality than most of my coworkers, and he's literally made of scrap metal and poor life choices
Corporate dystopia but make it FUNKY ✨ (the fungi are genuinely beautiful while they're trying to murder me)

THE BAD:

Started referring to my real job as "another fungal cleanup operation." HR is concerned.
My teammates' AI is so realistic it perfectly captures the experience of working with people who don't read emails
Tried to explain to my therapist why I have trust issues with mushrooms now. She suggested I "touch grass." Ma'am, the grass is CONTAMINATED.

MEMORABLE MOMENTS:

Spent an hour arguing with my robot squadmate about optimal spore removal techniques. He called my methods "suboptimal" and "a waste of company resources." I felt personally attacked.
Successfully cleared an entire facility of fungal infestation. Roachard Cox docked my pay for "excessive ammunition usage." Capitalism works, folks!
My favorite weapon is literally a vacuum cleaner with anger management issues. It perfectly represents my emotional state during crunch time.
Discovered that the fungi have better communication skills than my actual project management team. The spores at least give clear, immediate feedback (by exploding).

CORPORATE LIFE SIMULATOR FEATURES:

Unrealistic deadlines ✓
Micromanaging arthropod supervisor ✓
Equipment that breaks at the worst possible moment ✓
Teammates who disappear when you need them most ✓
Hazard pay that doesn't cover actual hazards ✓
Performance metrics that make no sense ✓

LIFE LESSONS LEARNED:

Sometimes the real fungal infection was the corporate culture we experienced along the way
Your boss will literally throw you into a meat grinder if it improves quarterly earnings
Mushrooms are surprisingly good at workplace organization
Robot coworkers are exactly as helpful as human coworkers (not at all)

ACTUAL GAMEPLAY BREAKDOWN:

30% shooting colorful death spores
25% trying to coordinate with AI that has the teamwork skills of a caffeinated squirrel
20% admiring how pretty everything looks while it tries to kill me
15% getting lectured by a cockroach about "cost efficiency"
10% questioning my life choices that led to this career path

Would I recommend this game? Absolutely, especially if you want to experience corporate dystopia but with better graphics and more literal backstabbing.
Is it better than Deep Rock Galactic? Different flavor of "expendable employee simulator." DRG has dwarves and beer, Mycopunk has robots and existential crisis.
Should you play solo? Only if you enjoy the authentic experience of your coworkers abandoning you during a crisis.

Mycopunk: Where "team building exercises" involve actual building destruction, and your performance review is conducted by measuring how much fungus is left alive after you're done.

Bought this game in 2013. It's now 2025 and I'm pretty sure it's still in Alpha. At this point, I'm not even mad - I'm impressed by the dedication to eternal development. My great-grandchildren will inherit my early access copy.
Nothing says "zombie apocalypse" quite like spending 6 days building the perfect fortress only to watch it collapse because I placed one block wrong and apparently that violates the laws of physics.

THE GOOD:

Finally, a game where my crippling fear of Mondays is justified! Every 7 days, literal hell breaks loose.
Built a 50-story concrete tower. Zombies ignored it completely and dug straight through the bedrock like Minecraft creepers with engineering degrees.
The graphics have that special "2008 but somehow charming" aesthetic that grows on you like a fungal infection
My base has been destroyed 47 times, but my Stockholm syndrome with this game remains strong

THE BAD:

Started hoarding toilet paper and canned beans IRL after playing. My pantry looks like a prepper's fever dream.
Tried to explain to my doctor why I've developed a nervous tic that flares up every 7 days
My neighbors think I'm crazy because I keep checking my windows for "structural integrity"
Google thinks I'm planning something suspicious based on my search history: "how to make concrete mixer" "best places to hide underground" "can zombies climb ladders"

MEMORABLE MOMENTS:

Day 6: "This time will be different. My base is IMPENETRABLE."
Day 7: sound of 500 zombies treating my steel fortress like a piñata
Day 8: building a new base while crying
Spent 40 hours perfecting a zombie-proof moat system. First horde night, they just walked across it like Jesus. Apparently zombies don't follow drowning mechanics.
My friend joined my server. Within 10 minutes, he somehow broke the entire physics engine by placing a campfire. Classic 7DTD moment.
Built a sky base thinking I was genius. Zombie vultures said "hold my beer" and turned my flying fortress into a crater.

ACTUAL DAILY ROUTINE:

Days 1-6: "I'm basically Bear Grylls meets Bob the Builder"
Day 7: "I'm basically a screaming child hiding in a closet"
Day 8: "Time to start over with newfound wisdom and crippling PTSD"

RELATIONSHIP WITH UPDATES:

We've been through Alpha 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, and 21 together. Each update is like getting back together with your ex - you know it's going to break your heart again, but you can't help yourself. "This time will be different," you tell yourself as you redownload 8GB of changes.
LIFE SKILLS ACQUIRED:

Advanced structural engineering (learned through catastrophic failure)
Resource management (hoarding simulator 2024)
Time management (you have exactly 7 days to not die)
Acceptance therapy (your base will be destroyed, embrace it)

Would I recommend this game? Absolutely, if you enjoy the thrill of building something beautiful just to watch it get absolutely demolished by the zombie equivalent of a wrecking ball convention.
Is it finished? Define "finished." The fun is in the journey, not the destination (which may never arrive).

Will it ever leave Alpha? That's cute. You must be new here.
7 Days to Die: Where "early access" is a lifestyle choice and your base's life expectancy is shorter than a mayfly's, but somehow you keep coming back for more construction-based heartbreak.

P.S. - If anyone has figured out how to make a truly zombie-proof base, please send help. I'm currently living in a hole and I think they can smell my fear.