are you ULTRA awesome?

You Know You Want to Be ULTRA Awesome - Don't We All?

ULTRA awesomeness is what everyone wants to achieve. Here is the list that everyone needs to read in order to be ounce for ounce ULTRA awesome.

1. Cussing- Do not cuss. No, you will not sound like a pansy. Why is this on the list then? If you can find out a way of dissing someone so harshly without cussing that they want to kill someone, then that means you are pretty freakin' amazing! Example: If someone says "Dude, your shoes look like s**t!" Then you can say, "That's because I'm from the future. I just kicked you in the face and I still got this crap on my shoes!" When they start crying then kick them to prove your true awesomeness!

2. Fight well...very well- Fight a group of no more than eight thugs, at the same time solo. They must all be at least 6 feet in height, no less. The fight must also be initiated by dissing them with "yo dad" jokes instead of "yo mom" jokes. The fight must also be started outside of a 7/11. After all of these requirements are met, now is the time to show them what ULTRA awesome tastes like. Make sure you get stabbed only twice (in each kidney preferably) within the first 20 seconds of the fight. Remember, you must also walk away alive and with half a black eye.

3. World War 3- You should start the next World War however you can. Fight in the US army and physically (or mentally) kill over 2.5 million enemy soldiers. After you are finished with mass murdering millions, you must then end the war. Go to the country with the most notorious and dangerous leader. Drown him in midair as well Mission accomplished.

4. Finale- To finish your epic conquest of attaining ULTRA ULTRA awesome awesomeness, you must do only one thing. I hope you are ready for this. After your years of training and struggles, you are nowhere near prepared, but here it is. In order to test and show off your endurance and bravery you must watch a full episode of the Teletubbies without losing control of any of your bodily functions. You are prohibited from blinking as well.

If you have followed each of these steps closely, you will gain an immortal and eternal feeling of awesomeness, in which you can now perform a kameameha, as seen on Dragonball Z. Congratulations my friends. Now go celebrate by becoming an overweight, nerdy couch potato. You deserve it. Plus if you read this all then you are truly ULTRA awesome.