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Diary entry 23, Stardate 92700.66:

I observed the Sharkle in their natural habitat. I was at first extremely trepidatious at being so close to the area in which Sharkle marked territory with shoelaces, as the scathing verbal anger from the creature has been known to cut a fully grown man in half, flaying his tender ego and brutalising his cis-privilege to the point of nonsensical gender definition, however I did it. I did it for the future.

There, not ten meters in front of me, was the Sharkle!

She appeared to be lounging on a reclining chair, carving an audacious path of 'mad autism lulz' (what we have since been able to decipher as a powerful display of dominance with potent pheromonal properties that begin to turn all females in the general vicinity bisexual.

Side Note: Please keep your wives and girlfriends and all female staff members atleast 2 miles from the subject's habitation) on a pc made of hard spaghetti noodles and doritos, connected to the 'intertubes' by 'dragon vibes and lube' (We have yet to understand her technology).

My hands trembled as I fumbled with my notebook, sketching a rough image, when suddenly disaster struck as the lead in my pencil tip snapped.

My heart froze.

There, she turned her head, smiling and slowly standing, she pointed at the bush in which I was concealed.

I had only one chance. I stood slowly up and begun the greeting dance.

I squatted like a crab, shuffled from side to side, farted and while shouting "Kah-Plah", I presented the ceremonial framed picture of Simon-Le-Bon.

Too late did I realise my mistake. Too late had I not seen my fault!

I had forgot one of the most important parts in my haste, required to appease the beast...
Fool! It is required once spotted by the Sharkle to show as a sign of respect the smothering of ones nipples in the nectar of the bees and to 'low ride' in a circle twenty three times before presenting oneself with the squatfart, holding lebon aloft and Kah-Plah'ing. To forget is punishable by means I cannot bring myself to fully express.

The Sharkle roared, and I ran, tearful into the jungle full of cactus.

Even now I am running, hiding in the spiky foliage and atop any trees I can find.

Please, if you find this, do not make the same mistakes as I

Learn

Survive

Last Diary entry of grand Wizard Slowsun, location unknown.

The day I learned that Sharkle (shreklek) sucks:

It was winter of 2001 and the elephants that were on the television tube were singing about peace and painting. "Painting elephants??" I thought and exclaimed in my minds mind. "Stupid elephants can't paint they just know how to copy" But the world didn't understand my angst and my clarvoyance on this subject, so I silently kept this infomation to myself, burning inside my intense heart. I was walking down the road with my Linken Park hoodie on, fringe covering one side of my face against the cold gale that was my homelands constant banner when a flying ice ball impacted the side of my temple. "LOL YA ♥♥♥♥♥♥ GEEK" came screeching from a bush across the street.

There was Sherklek as he was known back then (before the sex change, still has the elephant penis though so I think she is a fraud).Only the complex rythms and juxtaposed angry tones coupled with heavenly enraged enablist lyrics chymed from the lips of Chester Bennington could ever understand the deep power of the spirit wolfs pain inside my human kin self. I gave a self-concious half smile and walked on by.
Sharkle (Sherklek) spat on his own boot in disgust and staarted firing rubber bands at me. Her crew followed and as the thousand bands abused my body I stood as the sad king of the ancient spartans before me and thought "Then we shall fight in the shade!" and proceeded to mosh as hard as I could screaming the lyrics from Minutes to Midnight the demo version attempting to raise my power level thats when heshe fired a band into my underdeveloped scroat and i fell into the shush whispering "Shaekle ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Sucks".

The snow slush hid my tears