The Legend

Tales have been told throughout history of a terror so great, a band of pirates so gay, that gay bars in desperation would throw the condom machine up against the windows, drag queens would put on fake beards and Kev would sacrifice his own poor anus to barricade and block the front doors letter box with his ass, selflessly protecting his follows gays from the vicious fudge packing attacks... sadly to no avail.

This band of strong, strong, stroooooooooong manly men, are rumoured to be lead by a shadowy silent individual only known as The Captain, hes accompanied by the muffled ships gimp and his loyal quartermaster who would bang any foe to challenge the captain with his alpha'ness. Banging everyone out, left right and centre.

The rest of the crew are below the poop deck, no man has seen what is deep within the ships hulls but we can only guess at the horrors by the moans and groans. Ghost ships have been found in the seven seas with doors knocked down, nail marks all over the ship as if it was taken by force and ships covered in ♥♥♥ and popper bottles.

Oddly no treasure or cargo has ever been taken apart from the crew. Most of the terrible raids at high sea have few survivors, those poor few that come back are emotionally scarred and traumatized, unable to sit down for months, talking nonsense about gloryholes, sex swings and a gigging guy with a bald head, their ships some how paralysed by a strange force, the ships gaydar going off the charts, they report of a high fog possibly from a smoke machine but we can only guess.

Then bright glowing lights approaching their starboard bow within the fog, the sailors report of a unnatural thumping followed by a fine selection of homosexual hits with naked men swinging around the mast and a leather bound midget at the ships wheel rumoured to be called Porkpie, at the forecastle in the most dominate position stands the silent figure holding a man by a dog lead in a gimp suit with a bone in his mouth who strangely looks like harry potter.

The most feminine voices can be heard chanting “BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY” as the shadowy figure smiles on with piercing eyes and him unable to contain the drool running down from his lips.