The Ultimate Team (and supporting cast)

I've come to make an announcement: Knight of Purgatory's a ♥♥♥♥♥-ass ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, he shat on my ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Black Box. That's right, he took his Golden Sun ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ smelly ass out and he shat on my ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Black Box, and he said his ass was "this wide", and I said "that's disgusting," so I'm making a callout post on my Facebook.com: Knight of Purgatory, you've got a flat ass, It's as flat as a paper except WAY flatter. And guess what? Here's what my ass looks like: that's right baby, all round, has a crack, no radiation— look at that, it looks like two heads smashed together. He defiled my rocket launcher, so guess what, I'm gonna ♥♥♥♥ the EARTH. That's right, this is what you get: MY SUPER SPIKY ♥♥♥♥!! Except I'm not gonna ♥♥♥♥ on the Earth, I'm gonna go higher; I'm ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ON THE MOON! How do you like that, Obama? I SHAT ON THE MOON, YOU IDIOT! You have twenty-three hours before the poop drrrrroplllllllets hit the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Earth, now get outta my ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ sight, before I ♥♥♥♥ on you too!