Simps

PEDDLER: Oh I come from a land
From a faraway place
Where the caravan camels roam
Where they cut off your ear /Where it's flat and immense
If they don't like your face /And the heat is intense
It's barbaric, but hey--it's home!
When the wind's at your back
And the sun's from the west
And the sand in the glass is right
Come on down,
Stop on by
Hop a carpet and fly
To another Arabian night!

Arabian nights
Like Arabian days
More often than not
Are hotter than hot
In a lot of good ways

Arabian nights
'Neath Arabian moons
A fool off his guard
Could fall and fall hard
Out there on the dunes.

Ah, Salaam and good evening to you worthy friend.
Please, please, come closer--(Camera zooms in hitting
peddler in face) Too close, a little too close. (Camera
zooms back out to CU)There.Welcome to Agrabah. City of
mystery, of enchantment, and the finest merchandise this
side of the river Jordan, on sale today, come on down!
Heh, heh. Look at this! Yes! Combination hookah and
coffee maker--also makes Julienne fries. Will not break
(taps it on table), will not--(it falls apart)--it
broke. Ooohhh! Look at this! Pulls out Tupperware) I
have never seen one of these intact before. This is the
famous Dead Sea Tupperware. Listen. (Pries it open,
makes raspberry sound.) Ah, still good. (Camera begins
to pan to right. PEDDLER hurries to catch it.) Wait,
don't go! (Stop pan.)I can see that you're only
interested in the exceptionally rare. I think then, you
would be most rewarded to consider...this. (PEDDLER
pulls the MAGIC LAMP out from his sleeve.) Do not be
fooled by its commonplace appearance. Like so many
things, it is not what is outside, but what is inside
that counts. (Another pan, this one slower to left.
Again, PEDDLER rushes to catch up.) This is no ordinary
lamp! It once changed the course of a young man's life.
A young man who liked this lamp was more than what he
seemed. A diamond in the rough. Perhaps you would like
to hear the tale? (PEDDLER pours shiny sand from the
lamp into his hand.) It begins on a dark night (PEDDLER
throws sand into the sky, where it forms a starry
nightscape.) , where a dark man waits, with a dark
purpose.

(Camera tilts down to find JAFAR sitting on his horse and IAGO
on his shoulder. GAZEEM comes riding up to the pair.)

JAFAR: You...are late.
GAZEEM:A thousand apologies, O patient one.
JAFAR: You have it, then?
GAZEEM:I had to slit a few throats to get it. (Pulls out
half of the medallion. JAFAR reaches out for it,
but GAZEEM yanks it back.) Ah, ah, ahhh! The treasure!
(IAGO squawks as he flies by and grabs the medallion.) Ouch!
JAFAR: Trust me, my pungent friend. You'll get what's
coming to you.
IAGO: What's coming to you! Awk!

(JAFAR pulls out the second half of the medallion. He connects
them, and the insect medallion begins to glow. Finally, it
flies out of JAFAR's hand, scaring the horses, and is off
towards the dunes.)

JAFAR: Quickly, follow the trail!

(All ride off, following the glowing speck of light, until
it reaches a large dune. It separates into two and the
halves plunge into the dune. All that remains are two glowing
points of light on the dune. But then the dune begins to rise
up, transforming into a giant lion's head, with the glowing
points serving as the eyes.)

JAFAR: At last, after all my years of searching, the cave
of wonders!
IAGO: Awk! Cave of wonders!
GAZEEM: By Allah!
JAFAR: Now, remember! Bring me the lamp. The rest of the
treasure is yours, but the lamp is mine!

(GAZEEM starts to approach the lion's mouth, which forms the
entrance to the cave. He chuckles as he goes.)

IAGO: Awk, the lamp! Awk, the lamp! (Now that IAGO and
JAFAR are alone, IAGO opens up in normal English.)
Jeez, where'd ya dig this bozo up?

(JAFAR puts his finger to his lips and shushes him. GAZEEM reaches
the cave, but is blown away by the roar of the cave's speaking.)

CAVE: Who disturbs my slumber?
GAZEEM: It is I, Gazeem, a humble thief.
CAVE: Know this. Only one may enter here. One whose
worth lies far within. A diamond in the rough.

(GAZEEM turns to JAFAR with a questioning look.)

JAFAR: What are you waiting for? Go on!

(GAZEEM hesitates, then moves one foot inside the cave. With
great apprehension, he plants his foot down. Nothing happens.
Relieved, he begins his trek again. Then another roar comes.
He turns back, but the lion's mouth slams shut and the dune
collapses back to normal. All that are left are JAFAR, IAGO,
and the two separated halves of the medallion.)

CAVE: Seek thee out, the diamond in the rough.

(IAGO unburied himself from the sand, coughing as he does so.)