Where hilarity insues

Do you remember when Timur had his name in the highest of spotlights on the tallest of signs of Las Vegas when he was trying to make it as a comedy magician who specialized in making woman cry? No, nether do I. Sadly what little about the enigma that is Timur was destroyed by the FBI in an attempt to cover up his actual birth, but we will have to make do with the information we have been given. Born in a log cabin to Joseph Stalin and Nadezhda Alliluyeva in 1942, Overlord Dimirtri Grover 'Timur' Stalin XII was bound for greatness. From his legendary rape and pillages to his great academic achievements in philandering, Timur - taking the nickname his best friends in cub scouts called him - was a forced to be reckoned with.

After escaping his tyrant father by joining a sect of hardcore evangelicals, Timur finally made his way to America. that fire that has burned so deeply in this masterminds soul has began to wither, however. He has been known to trade insightful help to random strangers in the Viper Lounge bathroom for handfuls of cocaine and also walks his pure bred Mastiff named Ravager in dog prohibiting parks. In order to escape the world he had once ruled over with an iron first, Timur escape to the internet.

We know him as the man who is always ready to hug it out or talk about his feelings with somebody. Somewhat of a father figure to us all, I think we can take a page from his long history of triumph and fall, and learn that power only lasts to those who are willing to give up their humanity for it.

"I do what I do because I am who I am. Write that down." - Overlord Timur