ARE YOU A ♥♥♥♥♥♥!? ARE YOU NOT EVEN F4ZED!? DO YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO BE F4ZED!? ARE YOUR JIMMIES RUSTLED!? JOIN NOW!

I was only 12 years old
>I loved Steam so much, I had all the achievements and items
>I pray to Gaben every night before bed, thanking him for the life I've been given
>"Steam is love" I say; “Steam is life"
>My dad hears me and calls me a ♥♥♥♥♥♥
>I know he was just jealous of my devotion for Gaben
>I called him a ♥♥♥♥
>He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep
>I'm crying now, and my face hurts
>I lay in bed and it's really cold
>Suddenly, a warmth is moving towards me
>It's Gaben
>I am so happy
>He whispers into my ear “It’s Christmas-time“
>He grabs me with his powerful dev-team hands and puts me down onto my hands and knees
>I'm ready
>I open my pockets for Gaben
>He puts his hand deep into my pocket
>It costs so much but I do it for Steam
>I can feel my wallet emptying as my eyes start to water
>I accept his terms & conditions
>I want to please Gaben
>He roars his mighty roar as he fills my library with his love
>My dad walks in
>Gaben looks him straight in the eyes and says “It's Dec 18th now"
>Gaben leaves through my window
>Steam is love. Steam is life.

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