We wear Fedora's and we look good while doing it.

What do helmets, cork hats, caps, toothpaste and Obama have in common?
They aren't fedoras!
Growing pop-culture has neglected the mighty fedora and it is up to The Fedora Federation to hunt down and refashionise (its a word) these disgraces of humanity. Politicians have been rallying against fedoras since the day abacuses were a real thing, desperate attemps have been made to ban the fedora, from poisoning our drinking water to reading our minds with satellite technology.
But they can't stop us. The power of the fedora is far too strong to control.
Our fedoras are lined with lead to protect us from radio waves (and shovels), razor sharpened so that we can become Odd Job, soaked in the tears of a thousand weeping aeroplanes (Planes was a bad movie), eaten up and gagged out of a Siberian Sabre Toothed Rhinoceros and most of all:
Sponsored by Doritos and Mountain Dew.

The world won't know what hit them, until they wake up to see that everyone is stuck in a perpetual spinning state and forced to 420 blaze it while singing Miley Cyrus's 'Wrecking Ball'.

Just so you know, we are the good guys.