Pirate Captain and Graphic Designer Extraordinaire!

Esteemed crew of the Pirate Ship of Love, it has been brought to my attention that Spanish Privateers have been making mince meat out of our fleet during routine trade shipments. This is unacceptable! We aren't just a ragtag group of brigands making a life on the highseas, mind you, because - dare I say it - the entire economy of the industrialized world rests upon our shoulders!

Being seafaring men yerself, I shouldn't need to remind you of this, but the Pirate Ship of Love is the only foreign vessel in the world permitted to trade freely with the isolationist nation of Mokubania. This agreement makes us the foremost supplier of dialtones, Homestar Runner, nude photos of women standing in front of giant chess pieces, certain hit songs by the band Europe, and naked mole rats in the northern hemisphere!

And what happens if the screws in the US and Europe don't get their fetish photos on time? War! Since World War II we've been keepin' everyone pacified with softcore pornography masquerading as art, and I'll be damned if we're to stop because of some dropouts from Spain that bought fancy modern ships with their trust fund!

So, effective immediately, all crew members are to carry at least two (2, or "dos" for non-Americanese pirates) firearms with them at all times, and no fewer than five (5, or, uh... kee-qhat-row) knifes with them at all times. In the event of an enemy attack, remember that you are expendable and there's no severance package, so be a man and fire the cannons instead of cowering in the broom closet.

Now git back ta work!