Step One: Immediately Split Up.
If you stick with your team you’ll just survive longer and be bored. Go wander off alone and whisper “hello???” into every dark hallway.

Volume = Safety.
Monsters are basically like your grandma—if you yell loud enough, they’ll leave you alone. Constantly scream into your mic. Bonus: your teammates will hate you.

Flashlights? More like Cashlights.
Don’t waste money on flashlights. God gave you eyes, now suffer with them. Darkness is free, just squint harder.

Only Loot the Most Useless Junk.
If you see something shiny or valuable, ignore it. The REAL profits are in broken pipes, wet boxes, and suspiciously cursed clown dolls that whisper at night. Those are definitely worth millions.

Corners Are Your Best Friend.
When scared, shove yourself into a corner and face the wall. Monsters legally can’t touch you if you’re pretending they don’t exist. It’s science.

Buy 47 Shovels.
Not for defense. Just so you can have a family-friendly shovel fight in the dark while the company repo-men eat your ankles.

Leave Every Door Open.
Doors are basically a suggestion. Close doors? Nah. Keep them all wide open so the monsters can find you faster and with less confusion. Teamwork!

Elevator Rule #1:
Never, EVER wait for your teammates. Press the button as soon as you get inside. Leaving them behind builds character and also looks hilarious from orbit.