Sewing machine
What seems to be the problem -> This sounds fishy. -> They can, but if everyone tried to scam, Then I would be out of a job -> Nope, I’m Human

Self help book
Please wait as I transfer you to my manager.

Couch
I’m sorry to hear that -> Can you explain how it popped? -> You said the kitchen is wet? -> were you using this couch in the kitchen? -> If you use knives near the couch, that will void the warranty -> Thank you for contacting us. We will be issuing you a refund shortly.
alt
We will be issuing you a refund shortly.

Cobalt
What should it do normally? -> Can you prove you are a science teacher? -> Thank you for contacting us. We will be issuing a refund shortly.

Paper Clips
That is our mistake. We will be issuing you a refund shortly.
alt
Would you like to go on a date?-> That is our mistake. We will be issuing you a refund shortly. (dateable ending) [credits to DMHK]