Abonner for at downloade
Thousand Yard Stare Smokers

I won't lie to you, we created these Smokers entirely by accident. What we were trying to do was engineer a new Smoker variant that would spontaneously combust. Figured it'd be a good pun. Puns are great, they're a simple and highly efficient form of humour, exactly what we like here. Most of our tests involved setting them on fire in various ways. The one's that didn't burn to death ended up like this; dazed, ineffective, and very likely braindead. All they do is stare off into the distance, acting like they're traumatised. They're completely useless, and the worst part is we created a lot from the spontaneous combustion tests. That left me with a difficult decision: invest a couple hundred dollars into a storage warehouse to keep them in, or release them into the wild. I went with the cheapest option, and I've now got a bunch of EPA tree huggers in my office whining about how it's "illegal" to dump invasive animals into a national forest. Well you know what I say to that? WHO CARES? They're trees damnit, you can plant more somewhere else! You know what you can't plant? Scientific breakthroughs!