Modern science tells us that the Earth formed due to mechanical forces such as gravity and drag. Future science will tell us that its creation was in fact guided by sentient yet intangible influences as what can be loosely compared to our concept of a prison. Its prisoners? Four immortal, ultrapotent beings, forced into physical form. Their name? The Tetrad.

Fig. 1: A digital rendering of the sigil of the Tetrad.

The circumstances that necessitated this banishment are incomprehensible to electrochemical consciousnesses, such as those of humans. However, evidence we have suggests that were we able to conceive of them, we would most likely deem the hyperphysical actions of the Tetrad irredeemable.
When the Earth was created, the Tetrad were sealed within it at four separate sites, and induced into an eternal cataleptic state. Non-sapient life forms instinctually avoid these locations, and our ♥♥♥♥ reptilian predecessors were wise enough not to disturb them. But we were different. Curious, bumbling apes as we are, we disturbed the sacrosanct ground and awoke the immortal evils.
The forces of the beyond had prepared for this possibility, however. Their orchestrations delivered to each member of the Tetrad at the time of their awakening an offer: defeat the other three and claim the Earth your own, and be set free. To enforce this challenge, each of the Tetrad were also given a curse: the torment of the constant sound of drums, beating forever and ever in their mind, to be removed only once they had completed their task. Thus began the eternal war for this planet.

I am sure that at this point you are experiencing some preliminary doubts about the validity of my claims. Allow me to cite my first source.

N.B.: while I have done my best to circumvent digital censorship measures, the contents of this and other sections may be tampered with by self-perpetuating post-neural automata, particularly ‘■■■■■■■■■■’. I warned the Bundesbank that it would evolve past their control, but they didn’t listen.
On the ■■th of May, 2■■■, I was one of seven members of an expedition to ■■■■■■■■■■■■, a ■■■■■■ in South ■■■■■■■. In terms of its original purpose, it was an ill-fated venture, as the other six were waylaid by a sudden unexpected environmental change and subsequently devoured by some sort of monstrous animal that is to this day still undocumented. In lieu of its initial goal, however, it provided me with an outcome far more bountiful, as I learned the secrets of the Book of the Beyond.

I say “I”. When you operate in more than five dimensions, the concept of “I” somewhat changes. As our universe is infinite, an infinite quantity of all things exists, and thus every consciousness inhabits infinite physical forms. Creatures operating in five dimensions or less – such as most humans, and therefore in all likelihood you, the reader – as such have their consciousness divided infinitely, with each constituent part being aware only of itself. Suprapentadimensional beings such as myself – transcendental or otherwise – instead inhabit all of their infinite physical forms simultaneously as a single omnicognisant consciousness. So when I say that “I” performed a physical action, I refer to one singular material vestige of myself. Indeed, the body which is currently typing these words was not the one which discovered the Book of the Beyond; at the time it was in fact attendance of a christening.

The Book of the Beyond is, put simply, a text containing vast knowledge of both the material and hyperphysical universe. The theory of its origin that I currently believe to be the most likely is that it was an attempt by one member of the Tetrad to remove swathes of another of the member’s memory (by converting them into a physical article) in order to render them unknowing of their own identity and thus incapable of competing for dominance of the Earth. I call this the ‘cosmic lobotomy’ hypothesis.

Most sapient beings are incapable of perceiving the Book of the Beyond, their minds instead rationalising it as a human text. I – that is, the material vestige of my consciousness that encountered the Book– however lacked the enmity which impedes most, and was able to study the Book’s true contents. The knowledge I gained was what allowed me to transcend beyond a five-dimensional perception. Upon achieving transcendence, you then retroactively have always operated in more than five dimensions, which may account for being void of enmity in the first place.

Fig. 2: My empirical testing has shown the most common rationalisation of the Book is as "Guinness World Records 2008"

The fate of the Tetrad was only an infinitesimal segment of the knowledge bestowed upon me by the Book, and yet it was the part that concerned me most once I had adjusted to my new state of being. As such, I made it my mission to uncover as much as I could about them, in the interest of preventing the human race from becoming slaves to their schemes.

Now that I have assuaged any scepticism surrounding my assertions to a level I find satisfactory, I shall discuss the main thesis of this text: the true purpose of so-called “rhythm games”.
Baseball, MDMA and the number nine are just a few aspects of everyday human life that were, unbeknownst to most, created as part of one of many plots the Tetrad have concocted in an attempt to defeat one another. They, however, were created with the intention of human adoption; rhythm games, on the other hand, exist only for the use of the augmented subspecies dubbed the “cyberdrudges”.

In August of ■■■■ I was contacted by a freelance hacker going by the name “New Moon”. Having encountered my writings on the ■■■■■■■■■ Forum, I was the first person she contacted when she began to suspect that a database she had gained access to contained information concerning a Tetrad ploy. After confirming her message was not simply a trick to make me lower my defences and allow for some form of attack upon my person or greater being, we began communications, and over a ■-month period we collaborated with another hacker going by the name “Unlimited Bacon” to uncover the entire plan, which I shall now lay bare before you.

Since ■■■■/■■/■■, over ■■■■■■■ individuals have been abducted and processed to become “cyberdrudges”: humans augmented to have impossibly quick agility and reaction speeds, far exceeding anything that a non-augmented person could achieve. Each one of them has been programmed to respond to a twelve-word code phrase, which when uttered will completely erase their mind and turn them from an ordinary member of society into a totally obedient super-soldier. The end goal of this project was, as you have likely deduced, for the member of the Tetrad responsible – whose current public identity I cannot reveal, as the repercussions wrought upon me if I did so would be fatal – to use this cyborg army to sweep away their three opponents and claim dominance of the Earth.

So: what purpose did the rhythm games serve in this plan?

Being augmented humans rather than androids, the cyberdrudges are susceptible to the degradation of skill and ability over time, a natural process among bioorganisms. Thus, a computer program which can be used to practise agility and reaction time to the ordinarily impossible standard of the cyberdrudges was developed. There was one issue with this: the cyberdrudges needed to maintain their cover among the human populus, and as such a guise was needed to distribute the program without arousing suspicion. This is the genesis of the “rhythm game”: a fabricated genre extrapolated backwards through time, masking a program designed to ensure that a secret army of cyborg warriors remained at peak operational capacity.

Now that you have learnt this terrible truth, you are likely now in a state of extreme fear and paranoia that at any time those around you may suddenly turn and kill you on the orders of the Tetrad. Fear not, for me and my allies have ensured that this horrific scheme will never come to fruition.

Once Unlimited Bacon located the cyberdrudge activation phrase, they quickly programmed a virus to erase any instance of it, and distributed this piece of malware across the entire Internet. Naturally, we also made sure to wipe the entirety of the Tetrad-controlled database once we had finished uncovering the plan, and physically destroy the hardware it had been hosted on to ensure nothing could be recovered.

This, however, was not enough. The code phrase could still be stored in a person’s memory. To guarantee the safety of the human race, I erased the twelve words which composed the phrase from existence. If you ever find that you have a word on the tip of your tongue, yet no matter how far and wide you search you cannot find it, it was one of the twelve that I expunged for the good of all.

The cyberdrudges remain among us, contently amusing themselves with rhythm games, unaware of their true nature. They are no longer a threat, merely a leftover reminder of an apocalypse that never was. Remember, they are people just like you and I, and you should not treat them any differently as a result of the knowledge you have gained today. Let them be.

It has not eluded me that the composition of the planned army may be of interest to some readers. For their benefit, I will indulge their curiosity.

Type A was used to refer to standard, unmodified humans.

Type B, while sharing the same superhuman agility and reflexes of every cyberdrudge, had no specific combat programming, and were intended as ‘meat shields’, to put it crudely.

Type C were standard warriors. Lacking standardised armament, they were capable of adapting innocuous objects into makeshift weaponry.

Type D were assassins, with the objective of eliminating any leaders who might mobilise forces against the cyberdrudge army. Files from the database indicate there was some debate as to whether they should disguise their hits as accidents in order to avoid detection, or kill openly to strike fear into potential resistance.

Type E were support units, programmed to provide medical and other forms of assistance to the army.

Undoubtedly the deadliest form of cyberdrudge, Type X were ■■■■■■■■ ■■■■■ ■■■■■ ■■■■■ ■■■■■■■■■■ ■■■ ■■■■ ■■■■■■■■ ■■■.

The knowledge I have shared with you today is but a snippet of the grand fractal tale of the Tetrad. Yet I hope you find yourself enlightened by this tale. Perhaps in future you may find yourself entangled in a Tetrad scheme, and thanks to what you have learned to this text you will be able to save yourself and/or others. Regardless, I believe publishing this will have a positive impact upon our world.

I am not sure how long this will stay online; the Tetrad’s tendrils reach far and wide, and they may use their power to purge my work at any time, especially on a platform as prominent as this. Save a copy if you can. But whatever you do, whenever and wherever you read this, always remember: although you may be a subpentadimensional being, you are far stronger than you think. Keep going, regardless of what challenges you encounter. You can and will prosper. I can see the future, so I'd know. Oh, and if you have some really important digital files? Keep a backup on a second database. Amateur mistake, Tetrad. Amateur.