Choose Tonic Allergy as mutant (like everybody) and indulge in some hulk honey.

It's recommended you do this in a safe place to avoid like dying and stuff.

Don't worry, there's some more interesting achievements on this list.

Make your way to the Yd Freehold and enter the giant clam next to Mak, the frog in the top left corner of the screen.

You could also use Mak's clam to work on getting Byevalve too, but any clam works just fine.

Once you are done, kill Mak. This isn't really part of the guide I just really ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ hate Mak, and you should too!

Lithofexes aren't exactly common, and you are going to be sacrificing your run for this achievement too.

Usually, lithofexes start appearing around strata forty to fifty-ish, but they can show up sooner if you are lucky. Once you find one, let it turn you to stone with it's gaze.

Make sure you don't pick Light Manipulation on character generation though, so you don't reflect the beam.

Simply get lost in the Palladium Reef with a dram of neutron flux, and enter a giant clam. Just remember that Wayfaring makes this process much more difficult and even potentially impossible.

Then again, I'm not going to tell you to not purchase Wayfaring, because I'm not a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ lunatic and getting lost sucks mega-ass.

Good luck!

Just take Space-Time Vortex on character gen as mutant, and enter twenty-five of your own portals.

You will maybe die like once or twice, but that's life baby!

To flatten yourself, step into the deep shaft behind the purple door in Golgotha, and become a tender meat pancake.

Alternatively, you can use the deep shaft in Bethesda Susa if you want to go out in style.

Once you reach and enter Resheph's sarcophagus, talk to Rainwater Shomer in the Thin World, and choose to enter Brightsheol.

Though be aware that this will completely end your run, no backsies.

This one seems difficult, and to newer players it seems completely impossible, but trust me it isn't so bad.

There's two possible ways to get this achievement.

The first method is to wait around an ichor merchant until they sell some brain brine. Drink the goop and hope you get a mental mutation. If you don't, rinse and repeat this process. Then, level up your ego through any means necessary until you get twenty glimmer.

The other method is to just find a historic relic that grants a psychic ability, and just level up your ego afterwards. It isn't guaranteed that you will find one of these relics though, so don't get your hopes up.

Vore haha!

With that out of the way, all you need to do for this one is find a salt or star kraken, and let it chomp you. Salt krakens are way easier to find, just keep scouting the desert until you come across one.

There's many ways to get this one, since there's a decent amount of enemies and NPCs with Decapitate.

Just piss off any of the following and wait for them to kindly remove your head from your body:

Kesehind, Warden Indrix, decarbonizers, dervishes, and evil twins if you have decapitate.

Also keep in mind that Regeneration at level ten will prevent you from dying after your head separation, so that's cool!

There's pretty much only two ways to get this achievement, and both of them rely completely on random chance.

Very rarely, a historic weapon relic will be able to "turn an enemy into a gemstone on hit". If you just so happen to find one of these weapons, bash your face in with it over and over again until you become back your money.

Jeweled Cherubim (which aren't even guaranteed to spawn in the tombs) are currently the ONLY other method to gemmify yourself. Just let them beat you up.

♥♥♥♥. THIS. ACHIEVEMENT.

Just read markov books until you get these.

"Reading" a book only requires you to look at the first page, you don't have to scroll through the whole damn thing.

To contract Ironshank, just drink, cook, or fall into black ooze on even strata. This includes strata zero.

Black jells and sewage eels in black ooze can also pass the illness, though you still need to be on an even strata.

Cure Ironshank using the method described in Corpus Choliys, keep in mind that the cure is different each run.

Also, remember that you actually have to contract Ironshank. You don't "cure" the disease if you get rid of it by eating yuckwheat or honey while it is in it's developing stage, it has to be full blown.

This achievement is earned by being a total ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ and killing a creature you performed the water ritual with, pretty much dooming your run via massive faction rep loss.

Your victim can be as pathetic as you desire, since you are the one performing the ritual after all. Just make sure you have a way to revert the murder, salt tonics/precognition should do.

Drink lava, preferably during a precog-vision. This is because drinking lava is generally not advisable due to it's adverse side effects (dying horribly).

The good juice can be obtained through ichor merchants, red jells, or lava weeps. Choose whichever one is most convenient for your given run.

If for whatever reason you want to drink the red sauce like a real champ (without precog), make sure you have at least over 400-500 hp and high heat resistance to prevent instant thermal disintegration.

Locating the oddly-hued glowpad isn't that bad, just keep looking in the center zones of each salt marsh parsang until you find the little bugger.

He does actually sell some very nice early game gear, it's sometimes worth finding the little dude just for his stuff.

Make your way up to Red Rock (the red mountain-looking area on the map) and let a baboon gouge your eyes out.

Having your head caved in with a boulder also does the trick.

Contract glotrot.

This is done by falling into, drinking, or cooking with black ooze on odd stratas instead of even ones. Make sure you don't eat honey or yuckwheat, or else your tongue may not fall off.

Also, the "your throat feels sore" message does not count as glotrot contraction, you need the disease to take full form.

Fun!

Cure your newly acquired glotrot via the method described in the Corpus Choliys.

The ingredients for the cure are different each run, but the preparation of the flaming ick stays the same, just lay the goop-filled waterskin on a campfire till it burns then chug.

Keep in mind that curing glotrot does not grow your tongue back, you need some ubernostrum for that.

Get ripped apart by a chute crab.

These little ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ are found most commonly in Golgotha, making it the easiest place to die to them, so go there. Next, find a scratched vent and wait until they start spawning.

It is now time for crab.

Level up any mental mutations you may have until you get twenty glimmer. After the game vomits three paragraphs of black text at you, proceed to level up your mutations even more until you get the next three achievements.

Ego farming, point dumping, and injecting eater-tonics are all perfectly fine methods for getting high mental mutation levels, they all just take time.

Oh ♥♥♥♥! I forgot to add this one!

I don't have much to say really.

Similar to the last achievement, just keep grinding out that glimmer until you get 40. Use any method you want to, just get that number up!

Keep leveling up your mental mutations until you get one hundred glimmer. It's a bit of a jump from forty, and it may take a while, but just stay alive and you should get this one eventually.

Just keep an eye out for Ptoh's goons, they are only going to get more deadly from here.

Two hundred psychic glimmer is a big ask, and there's not much more advice I can give you. Just keep playing the game while making sure to keep your ego very high.

Exercise extreme caution around esper hunters, they have the potential to really ♥♥♥♥ you up at this point of the game, so watch out.

Regenerate one of your limbs through any means. The easiest way to do this is to just choose the marauder calling and pick regeneration at character creation. Once you do that, use your starting axe to cut off one of your limbs and wait for it to grow back, easy!

You can also use your newly severed limb for a future achievement I will discuss shortly, so hold onto it.

Make your way to the bear zone, either by completing the starting quests or through brute force, and compliment Q Girl.

Now then, my good friend John Snail has created a wonderful, glorious mod titled "Memes of Qud" available for download on the steam workshop. It replaces tons of sound effects in the game with more... interesting noises.

The reason I bring this up is because there's a certain secret hidden in the mod if you choose to compliment Q Girl, and I feel as though more people ought to know about this. I'm not going to spoil it, but trust me it's worth it.

Good luck!

What the ♥♥♥♥ is that title.

Anyways, this achievement requires you to find 0lam, the big clam that lives in Tzimtzlum. My previous achievement guide describes the process of how to find him, so take a look at that guide if you don't already know how to get to the silly dimension.

Once you are there, purchase or steal the Otherpearl from him and equip it. Just make sure that you have a very high ego, since the pearl costs an unholy amount of water to purchase.

DIE

Install any cybernetic at a becoming nook, doesn't matter how fancy it is.

Equipping a cybernetic on character creation doesn't count, you gotta find one yourself.

This ones a little tricky. Finding enough credits to afford cybernetics on every implantable body part is rough, so only choose the cheapest possible gadgets to insert into your body.

Things like Skin Glitter, Electromagnetic Sensor, or any other cheap implants that can be put into multiple body slots work best. Also, try to find all the guaranteed credit wedge locations to maximize your cybernetic points.

It's a bit of a tedious process, but you should be fine.

This is the limb-related achievement I was talking about earlier. Cut off one of your limbs, wait until you are famished, and dig in!

Keep in mind that cooking with your limb as an ingredient doesn't count, you gotta eat the thing raw.

Choose Evil Twin as your starting defect, wait for your evil twin to show up, let em kill ya.

It's easiest to just go wandering around the salt marshes when you first spawn to get this one, so that your twin can find (murder) you easily.

Once you cleared the Tomb of the Eaters and made it to BLUE WORLD™ via Resheph's sarcophagus, talk to Rainwater Shomer and tell him you wanna go back to Qud.

Wait for your body to reassemble itself, and proceed to get domed by a galgal waiting outside.

Drop all the fresh water you have, pull up the world map, walk ‘till ya die.

Complete the Call to Arms quest.

Don't worry, saving all the members of the bear club is completely optional, just beat the templar off.

Head towards Ezra, and let one of those bastard flies nibble your eyelids.

Congratulations! You can’t see ♥♥♥♥ now.

At the very bottom of Eyn Roj, there lies a bastard who thinks he’s immune to bricks. Teach him a lesson in brick velocity, and go kick his stupid fungi-hair having ass, for me.

Before you head there though, make sure you are mentally prepared, in the literal sense. Just have enough mental armor to survive a big blast from Sunder Mind, ‘kay?

Do the Bethesda Susa quest!

NOW!

Once that aforementioned nerd is dead and rotting at the bottom of Eyn Roj, go sever the big floating crystal from their smelly rock prison.

They are gonna give you this whole spiel about how they “really liked that guy” and “he was chill, why did you do that” blah blah… WHO CARES!

Ungrateful ♥♥♥♥♥♥’ rock people, man.

Hand one of your companions an explosive grenade of your choosing, and tell them to lob it at an enemy positioned suspiciously close to where you are currently standing.

Anything that deals collateral damage is good for this achievement, though grenades are likely the most consistent way to kill yourself with extra steps.

Scour through the holy bible of diseases, ‘till you land on the randomized cure for your recently acquired monochrome.

You will always need a flashbang though, but you can find ‘em real easy at a stilt vendor.

Beat the hardest quest in the whole ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ game, no biggie!

My quest guide covers Reclamation in a bit more detail, though I would recommend looking up a video or asking around the steam page for help if you are still stuck on this one.

During the angry deer people quest, end it in such a way as to have Eskhind be the new mayor, because here in qud, we HATE old people!

Do the Asphodel quest.

I’d recommend going full anarchy and invoking the chaos spiel, knocks out two achievements at once, y’know?

During the angry deer people quest, end it in such a way as to have Hindriarch Keh be the new mayor, because here in qud, we LOVE old people!

Lots, and lots, and lots of stuff is needed to make the big guy himself, so there isn’t all that much I can say without this whole thing becoming a brick wall of text.

Regardless, here's a quick rundown of what you should do, as a treat:

-Get the soup from the Rainbow Wood
-Snatch the stilt priest
-Pour in a chug-jug of your choosing
-Find (murder) the crazed water salesman for free goat limbs
-Underground Moon Stair is the best place to find zetachrome gear
-Read the golem a bedtime story
-Bestow upon the golem your most beloved funko pop
-Nag the liquid vendors ‘till they give you three drams of space water

Have fun!

During the angry deer people quest, end it in such a way as to have everyone die, because here in qud, everyone is dead.

…Do the Eyn Roj quest… WITHOUT killing the dumbass…

I’m going to delay this one for as long as possible.

Well, just do the Tomb of the Eaters quest, Brightsheol and all. I can say that, right? Or is that too much of a spoiler?

♥♥♥♥ it, you know this is a super secret scary guide, you came for the spoilers.

Go up the funny elevators, pass by the cherub gang, and take your well-deserved rest in the forever box.

Bonjour! (That’s German for “good job!”)

During the angry deer people qu- actually no, BEFORE the angry deer people quest, find the sonnet behind the left-most burnt tree log, and give it back to Eskhind.

Then proceed as usual.

Ascend the spindle by heading through the Life Gate, located near the right-hand side of the screen where the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ earl is.

Then, keep heading up until you find what kinda looks like a bunch of glowing wires. Interacting with them while in your golem should allow you to ascend the spindle. Keep in mind that you have to beat Reclamation first, so have fun with that I guess!

Just don't forget about Barathrum! He might have some interesting things to say...

Oh great heavens! You've made it to the final area in the game, and now get to choose one of multiple endings to receive!

For the spaceship ending, (which is the one you get "The Dusted Cosmos" achievement for) simply enter one of the little Baetyl pods, and speed away towards the right side of the space-map, or whatever the hell you want to call it.

Enter the only functioning spaceship, turn the sucker on, wait around a while, and blast off!

So, uh... Resheph is sorta, kinda, probably alive! And you get to talk with the weirdo himself! Turn on the three hologram projectors in the room with the super beefed up cherubs, and have a chat with everyone's favorite...

Oh, he's kind of a ♥♥♥♥, actually.

Yeah, he wants to kill everyone, and he was the one who started the Gyre plagues. For this achievement, you have to partake in his plan to eradicate all higher life for... reasons?

You could very well consider this to be the bad ending, you quite literally murder everything important in the world.

Don't expect a very optimistic post-credits scene on this one!

After all that junk with Resheph, why don't we teach this old loser a lesson?

You have to kill the uber-buffed cherubs next to the big chest in Resheph's lair, though you should probably be able to kill just about anything at this level.

Once that's all said and done, open it! Surprise! Resheph's guts are actually in that thing, and he's dead now. Cool!

After cracking open the box, just go back the way you came, and return to Qud.

So, there's a secret third ending involving Resheph, though you have to had learned about his true nature from Barathrum beforehand.

Just talk with the bear in the elevator until he spills the beans about the supposedly cool old guy. Now, you have the option to make Resheph reconsider his plan to kill everyone in the final ending dialogues, though there's one stipulation.

You gotta kill Barathrum, sorry!

After you do that, enter into a new covenant with Resheph, and do whatever it is that covenants do!

True-ending time!

To gain access to the true endings of the game, you need to let Resheph know that you've killed or befriended all six girsh neph-

Oh, wait.

I think I'm forgetting something here.

Ehalcodon. The seventh nephilim. The worst thing to fight in this whole game.

Ehalcodon has:

-Three times the health of a Chrome Pyramid.
-100 resistance to all elements.
-150 quickness.
-22 AV.
-30 DV.
-Natural melees that ignore AV and elemental resists.
-All the built-in mutations other nephilim have.
-Quantum Fugue; an infinitely stronger variation of Temporal Fugue.
-Minions that reflect it's own laser beams in unpredictable ways.
-The ability to blow gases away from themselves.
-Somewhat-immunity to Timecubes.
-Wings.
-A higher vaporization temperature of 15,000 degrees.
-Your social security number.

That's... a lot.

Almost no conventional strategy will work against Ehalcodon, except for two.

NUKE THE ♥♥♥♥♥♥:
If you have access to phasing in some way, and have a load of phase-conjugate nukes, you can simply phase out, blow Ehalcodon up, and repeat until they are dead. That's right, it takes MULTIPLE nukes to end this dude's life.

SUNDER MIND:
Shockingly, Ehalcodon has a relatively low MA, clocking in at just 17. This is still a lot, but in comparison to his other stats, it's his Achilles heel. If you have a strong enough level on Sunder Mind, you can just keep blasting him until he dies of a stroke.

This is legitimately the hardest battle in Caves of Qud, it makes Reclamation look like ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ child's play. Have fun!

But, who said you have to kill all the Girsh Nephilim?

With enough Cloning draught, and enough magic book pages, you can just nicely ask all the Nephilim to, like, quit being mean and stuff.

This even includes Ehalcodon! Allowing you to get a true ending without even needing to fight the big guy in the first place!

Truly delightful, I do say.

To end things on a stupid note, to get this achievement, all you have to do is hold onto the Klanq you get from the "Seek the Heart of the Rainbow Wood" quest.

Once you ascend the spindle, just puff your spores!