"YES WE ARE IRISH AND YES WE DO HAVE GREEN BEARDS! Pray tell, why do you think the venerated hue of Saint Patrick's Day is green? IT'S BECAUSE WE HAVE GREEN TOP HATS AND BEARDS I TELL YOU! But listen here sonny boy, we only evince them during this special day, for otherwise we are subject to ridicule by the most intolerant of bumpkin munchkins."