Tip #1: This is the most important tip. Do not play Left 4 Dead 2. Spare yourself the insanity.

If you have chosen to ignore Tip #1, further Tips are below.

Tip #2: Prepare the most ungodly, disgusting, foul and horrific spray known to man in order to assert dominance on the enemy team. It's all about the mind games.

Tip #3: ALWAYS SHOOT THE BOOMER! Your Teammates will thank you by hurling racial slurs at you, but how could you resist? The boomer is made to be shot! He looks very shoot-able!

Tip #4: Your teammates will always shout at you to shove the infected off of them, and that is especially as effective for the charger! You must shove him, if you shoot him he tightens his grip on your teammate and suffocates them harder. YOU HAVE TO SHOVE HIM!

Tip #5: If you hear the sobs of a poor lonely woman, go up to her and comfort her. She is very lonely, just like you, and is in need of a hug. She will get so happy and become startled by your positivity! Make sure to keep your flashlight on as well! She may be crying in a very dark area. How else are you going to be able to see her and comfort her?

Tip #6: When playing as the Infected, the best Infected to spawn in as is the Jockey. It is hands down the most overpowered character I have ever had the pleasure of playing as. Nothing beats the adrenaline rush you gain from doing no damage to the survivors!

Tip #7: If you are in a party of 3 and your 4th teammate is bad, simply kick him. BOT Bill is the best character and will carry you to an easy victory!

Tip #8: If you are losing badly, simply leave the game. Do not let them have the pleasure of defeating you.

Tip #9: If you are losing by a small amount, simply leave the game. Make sure to give up when the enemy team is beating you by 25 points. There is no point playing any more rounds, you simply cannot win and must not give the enemy team the pleasure of victory!

Tip #10: If you do not want to carry on playing a game, but equally want to make life hell for the enemy team, kick all your teammates and then leave the game. This will end the lobby and you will easily win!

Tip #11: Do not say 'ready' at the start of a versus game. This will take the infected team by surprise, give you a headstart and will definitely not start a votekick against you!

Tip #12 (suggested by Nobushi Main): Select the Restart Campaign option in the vote screen immediately after joining the match. Your teammates will thank you, as they surely did not want you to miss out on any previous fun they may have had

Tip #13: If you ever find yourself and your teammates surrounded by zombies, make sure to throw a molotov on the floor. This will be really useful and your teammates will thank you for it!

Thank you for reading, I hope any fellow noobs out there will learn from the wisdom that has been imparted upon me by this wonderful community!