• Introduction
  
• Endings:
  
  • Original Endings:
    
    • The Canonical End
      
    • Kaboom!
      
    • Safe and Sound
      
    • Out of Bounds
      
    • The Existential Nightmare
      
    • Button Heaven
      
    • Game Development 101
      
    • Trigger Warning: Suicide Ending
      
    • Museum Ending
      
    • Lack-of-a-Marriage Story
      
    • You Chose.... Incorrectly....
      
    • The Confusion Ending
      
    • Escape Pod Ending
  • Ultra Deluxe Endings:
    
    • The Hole
      
    • Stanley, the Literary Genius
      
    • The "Bottom of the Mind Control Room" Ending
      
    • O' Ye of Little Faith
      
    • The New Content™ Endings
  • Bucket-Specific Endings:
    
    • Happy Bucket; Happy Life
      
    • The Bucket Tapes
      
    • Is This... A Bucket?
      
    • Stanley's Imaginary Friend
      
    • Stanley's Intervention
      
    • The Bucket's War Crimes
      
    • Losing Your Marbl-– I mean, Buckets
      
    • The Number 3
      
    • The Narrator: The King of Comedy
      
    • Buckets Can Never Be Free
      
    • mindControl(bucket) == sillyBirds;
      
    • The MOBA — The Museum of Bucket Arts
      
    • Goodbye, Old Friend
• Fun Secrets:
  
  • Setting the Time
    
  • The Broom Closet
    
  • Awkward Elevator Ride
    
  • Bizarre Starts
    
  • The Whiteboard Ending
    
  • Fun Bucket Things
    
  • Executive Bathroom Graffiti
    
  • Misc

Don't worry. This is the only section that isn't an ending (get it..? cause an intro is the opposite of an ending? I'm done now...)

Welcome to the guide everyone! Its purpose is to document all of the endings in The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe as well as any fun secrets I feel like mentioning along the way.

This is currently a big work in progress. I'm doing my best to add stuff as quickly as I can, but I'm still playing through the game so the guide won't be perfect for a little bit.

Just for some clarification, I have divided the longer ending arcs (specifically the Confusion Ending and the New Content Ending) into multiple sections. These are split up by each restart. Some might think that that qualifies them to be classified as different endings, but those people can go shh because I do not feel like reorganizing what I've already written and splitting those endings apart. (Also, fight me. It's my guide, my rules. I'll divide each section by every time I saw the words "the end" in game if you're not careful.)

One last thing: If people have any clever titles for any of the endings, at least the ones that don't have canonical names (see: The Confusion Ending), let me know! I'm not very funny so my titles are a very low bar to surpass. I'd be happy to add them in if you suggest them in the comments.

Edit: Oh goodness, everyone. Stop giving me awards!! I haven't even finished the guide yet, and I haven't even had a chance to work on it in like a week. Y'all're too kind.

Follow the Narrator's instructions exactly, escape the facility, and see some trees

1. Exit Stanley's Office
   
2. Take the door on your left
   
3. Follow the stairs up
   
4. Enter the boss's office
   
5. Type 2845 into the keypad
   
6. Go down the elevator
   
7. Enter the Mind Control Facility
   
8. When you reach the control panel, turn off the scary mind control device (save your world-dominating fantasies for a different ending)

Trigger the nuclear bombs beneath the facility

1. Take the door on the left
   
2. Go upstairs towards the boss's office
   
3. Type 2845 into the keypad
   
4. Take the elevator down
   
5. Enter the mind control facility
   
6. Activate machine
   
7. PANIC
   
8. Boom

Stay in Stanley's office, protecting him from the existential horrors that await

1. Just like... close the door and sit there. Simple as that

Break out of the map. Oh wait... the developers expected me to do that

1. Go to Employee No. 434's desk (see screenshot below)
   
2. Wiggle your way onto the chair then onto the desk
   
3. Get onto 433's desk (the one right next to 434's)
   
4. Walk out the window and into the void
   
5. Have fun being sung to by the Narrator's bard D&D character

Look mom, I'm flying!!

1. Take the door on the left
   
2. Go down the staircase
   
3. Continue walking around
   
4. This is beginning to look familiar...
   
5. Have a mental breakdown
   Wait what...?

~Buttons~

Activate all 5 "Awaiting Input" computers:
NOTE: you must reset the game after you activate each computer

1. Employee No. 419's computer:
   
   
2. Employee No. 423's computer:
   
   
3. The boss's receptionist's computer:
   
   
4. Employee No. 434's computer:
   
   
5. Stanley's computer:
   

*Queue button heaven chanting*

ANOTHER NOTE: the game wont automatically reset in this ending; you will have to restart the game yourself. In other words, you get to mess with the buttons forever.

"If you're so clever, why don't you do it yourself" — The Narrator to Stanley, presumably

1. Take the door on your right
   
2. Head straight past the maintenance hallway
   
3. Get onto the cargo lift
   
4. When you're above the catwalk (or whenever you're feeling daring enough), jump down onto it
   
5. When you reach the red and blue door, enter the blue door 3 times in a row (the door is behind you the 3rd time)
   
6. Walk into the untextured room
   
7. Be the Narrator's guinea pig for the 3rd door and for the leaderboard (make sure to give him a great rating, he doesn't deserve it....)
   NOTE: Due to a glitch, you might get trapped between the leaderboard room and the subsequent rating room. The developers are aware of it according to this pinned discussion thread so hopefully it's ironed out in the next patch. In order to fix it until then, though, you'll have to delete the video file containing the leaderboard (see the discussion thread for more info).
   
8. Play the Narrator's avant-garde art piece game (see section on the Baby Game Ending below)
   
9. Fail the Narrator's stupid game
   
10. Narrator takes you to other games to play instead
    
11. First he brings you to Firewatch (*hiss* open world)
    
12. Then he brings you to Rocket League
    
13. After a minute or so, he'll drop a ball into the arena (it seems like you speed up when you bump into it)
    
14. Hit the ball into the goal (because we all like to pretend we have athletic talents)
    
15. Fall into the big hole in the ground because you're clumsy and/or want the ball back (don't question Stanley's motives)
    
16. You'll land in a broken down section of offices
    
17. Look for a way to fall further down
    
18. This time, you'll fall into The Stanley Parable's opening section as they appeared in the original Half Life 2 mod
    
19. Follow the hallway until you reach Stanley's office (No. 427)
    
20. When you enter and then leave the room, the game will cut to black

There's absolutely no way I'm clicking that button for 4 hours. Just google it. There are plenty of videos by crazy people that have enough of an attention span to click that button for 4 hours, so go watch one of theirs.

Oh. Oh that's actually kinda sad...

1. Take the door on the right
   
2. Head past the maintenance hallway
   
3. Get onto the cargo lift
   
4. When you feel daring enough, jump down onto the catwalk below
   
5. The Narrator will show you a red and blue door, take the red one
   
6. You'll enter a repeating loop until the Narrator opens the door
   
7. Inside the door is... Zen
   
8. Leave the zen room because honestly Valve needs to pay for what they did to the end of Half Life (yes, I know it's spelled Xen, I'm making a bad joke)
   
9. Climb the stairs
   
10. Fall down
    
11. Repeat until... well... you know...

Stanley at the Museum

1. Take the door on your left
   
2. Go up the stairs
   
3. Inside the boss's office, type 2845 into the keypad
   
4. Go down the elevator
   
5. Take the path to the left labelled "← ESCAPE"
   
6. Drop into the hole
   
7. Accept your imminent death
   
8. Get "saved" by the Female Narrator
   
9. Explore the museum (it's honestly kinda cool, take a look around)
   
10. When you're done, flip the On/Off switch
    
11. Get squished (or quit the game if you're a coward)

Somehow more emotionally crushing than the movie

1. Take the door on your right
   
2. Ride the cargo lift
   
3. Prepare yourself....
   
4. Answer the phone
   
5. Realize that preparing yourself won't help
   
6. cry

The Grail Knight from Indiana Jones would be very disappointed...

1. Take the door on your right
   
2. Ride the cargo lift
   
3. Instead of answering the phone, unplug it (interact with the wall socket)
   
4. Watch the video
   
5. Follow the path back to the set of 2 open doors
   
6. The order of the next two sections doesn't matter (correct me if this is wrong):
   
   1. Go through the right door and find it blocked off by glitching scenery
      
   2. Head back and go through the left door
      
   3. Ruin the game...
      
   4. How does that even work on a programming level? It doesn't matter...
      
   5. The Narrator shuts down the game and rants at you
      
   6. (If the other part hasn't been finished, return to the 2 open doors)
   1. Go through the left door
      
   2. Get to the boss's office
      
   3. There's now a voice-lock instead of a keypad
      
   4. Get yelled at
      
   5. (If the other part hasn't been finished, return to the 2 open doors)
7. You're then teleported above the 2 doors
   
8. Cry, again...

1. Take the door on your right
   
2. Turn left into the maintenance hallway
   
3. Take the elevator down
   
4. Wait for the Narrator to stop being indecisive
   
5. Once he's done, you'll be inadvertently led to a catwalk overlooking the monitor room of the Mind Control Facility
   
6. This is clearly a terrible story crime that needs to be rectified
   
7. Restart

1. Go to the 2 Doors room
   
2. Something's different... Can't quite figure out what though...
   
3. Go find the story Stanley! (AKA wander around a bit)
   
4. Fail miserably
   
5. Restart

1. Go to the 2 Doors Room
   
2. It is now the 0 doors room because we just can't have nice things huh Stanley
   
3. Go back and try to find the story behind you
   
4. Find a new blue corridor
   
5. Hit a dead end
   
6. Go back
   
7. Find a run-down shack
   
8. You Win!!! Just kidding :)
   
9. Restart

1. Outside Stanley's Office is the Adventure Line!
   
2. Follow it. It is perfect. Never question its ways. It sees all
   (you can also go back to the 0 doors room and hear some extra dialogue, but you'll have to eventually follow the line, as you should)
   
3. Nod your head attentively as the narrator explains existential things
   
4. Adventure Music!
   
5. (side note: that filing cabinets room has always made my brain hurt)
   
6. 𝒜𝓅𝓅𝓇𝑒𝒸𝒾𝒶𝓉𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒻𝑒𝓇𝓃
   
7. Continue following line
   
8. The line takes you to the monitor room (How could you. I trusted you adventure line)
   
9. Restart

1. You and the Narrator decide to find the story yourselves
   
2. The Narrator opens the door to Office No. 437
   
3. Get a headache from the non-Euclidean geometry
   
4. Encounter the Adventure Line in its natural habitat
   
5. Find circular room with 2 doors (distinct from the original 2 doors room)
   
6. Pace in a circle to help the Narrator think
   
7. Enter door
   
8. Confusion....
   
9. Timer stops
   
10. Restart

How to get to space in 20 mins or less — The new Quibi series from MediocreMeerkat

1. Take the door on your left
   
2. Go up the stairs
   
3. Begin entering the double doors into the boss's office, and right when they're about to close behind you, quickly back up into the reception area.
   
4. Retrace your steps back to the offices
   
5. There should be a door open right next to Stanley's office
   
6. Go through this door
   
7. Head up the stairs
   
8. Go down the dark hallway
   
9. Get into the escape pod

Endings from the original that are sadly absent from the Ultra Deluxe Edition

• Game Development 101: Portal and Minecraft references (replaced by Firewatch and Rocket League references)
  
• Serious Ending: As of right now, I'm pretty sure you cannot trigger this ending since Unity doesn't have a built-in console like Source did

Prerequisites: Earn the "Beat the game" achievement (see the Canonical Ending above), and maybe complete one or two other endings (this is assuming you answered yes to "I've played The Stanley Parable before" when you started the game)

"The most underwhelming content ever" — Cookie9, in their future review for the Ultra Deluxe edition

1. When you start a new game after completing the prerequisites (if you didn't complete the prerequisites, what are you doing here), Office No. 416 will be replaced with a door labelled "New Content"
   
2. Go through this door and ride the maintenance thingy, then take the elevator up
   
3. At the top, there will be a very, very sparse room where you get to experience jumping in The Stanley Parable!
   
4. Once you're done enjoying the hell out of that (and/or running out of jumps before receiving the dopamine you felt you deserved), continue on down the hallway in the back
   
5. Aaand that's it for the new content, thanks everyone!
   
6. I'm kidding. The Narrator is just as disappointed as you are and will reset the game.

The Narrator's Wet Dream... literally, in places

1. When the game loads in, the office will have a very different layout (see "Bizarre Starts" below)
   
2. When you exit Stanley's office, turn to the left and you'll see a vent, you should go into it
   (I'm not sure if this office layout will persist if you close and reopen the game or if you do another ending first)
   
3. After crawling through the vent, you'll find yourself at the Memory Zone (legally distinct from BBC Sherlock's Memory Palace)
   
4. You'll be led by the Narrator past pieces of both Stanley Parable development history as well as critical responses to the game
   
5. Eventually you'll stumble upon the dreaded Steam User Reviews area, where the Narrator becomes frustrated.
   
6. After enough of the reviews, he raises a new room up out of the water
   
7. This room contains, drum roll please..., the Skip Button!!!
   
8. I'm not gonna spoil this part, just press the button a lot if you're somehow bored (it takes a second to pop back out after you press it)
   
9. At some point there will be a path out of the room
   
10. Just wander around and at some point you'll be reset

Ooh a big hole

1. Once you're back in the closest thing to reality in this mess of a game world, make your way back to Office No. 416 (where the New Content door was)
   
2. There, you'll find a new New Content door with a much more extravagant sign
   
3. Unless you're entirely put-off by the garishness of the neon, enter into the door and take the elevator up.
   
4. Welcome to the Stanley Parable 2! There's some very fun office designs that aren't at all satirical commentary on Silicon Valley or anything...
   
5. If you continue thoroughly through though (isn't English a fun language? Also, yes, I did that on purpose...), you will eventually reach the New Content Expo where you can test all of the new features that the next game — no, current game — no, later section of current game — but wait, if I'm testing them now wouldn't the later section of the current game technically be now? But what if I bring the bucket here?? Oh god this is way too complicated... Ugh. I've confused myself.
   
6. ANYWAY! You can take a look around as much or as little as you'd like, but you really should check out all of it (except the stupid jump circle)
   
7. After you're done you will want to find a staircase between the Collectibles area and one of the entrances/exits to the Office Decor exhibit.
   
8. At the top you will watch the Narrator piece together a cohesive experience from all the building blocks you saw in the Expo... I'm kidding, he has a mental breakdown because haven't we all had one or two of those in the past few years? It's fine. I'm fine. Everything's just fine.
   
9. The game will then cut to the new and improved title screen! Kinda gives me Control vibes

Mini Ending: The Hole
I don't even know how I'd explain this one... Just keep jumping down the hole and you'll see what I mean

I couldn't figure out another place to put the collectible names in the guide without it being confusing so I'm gonna list them here because they're fun: Mini-Stans, Stanley-Figs, Figleys, Figlureanlurines (Figanleys, for short), and Stiggley-Wiggleys

For this part you just need to collect all 6 of the Stanlurines

Stanlurine Locations:
NOTE: A list of hints to their locations can be found in the conference room after finding your second collectible

1. New Features Showcase area
   
2. Across wooden-plank bridge in cargo lift area
   
3. Underneath the stairs to the boss's office
   
4. In the room with the red/blue door (don't bring the bucket)
   
5. Behind secret wall in the boss's office across from the elevator to the mind control facility
   
6. Executive Bathroom

Uhh hey wait what was that pink room back there?

1. After collecting the last Stanlurine, you'll need to either get to an ending or manually restart
   

I think the Narrator needs to see a counselor of some kind... He needs help

My Favorite Title Screens So Far

Narrator brings you back to the Memory Zone > Collect the Mini-stans in order that you found them originally? > pink room > warehouse > ♥♥♥♥♥♥ video > Final figurine > Room with weird tv that shows what you're seeing > reset... but actually not > Do the collecting backwards (once you get back to the first figurine, you have to go towards the green exit sign. It's dark so it's hard to see) > the main exhibit space is now just the collectibles part and leads directly to the original jump circle > jump circle leads to 2 Doors > both lead to Stanley's Office > Narrator Existential Crisis > reset


Prerequisites: Don't be a square, set the time and answer the questions at the beginning 5 times; complete the previous New Content™ endings
Epilogue button will appear on title screen
Click it.
Brought back to the very far future after the "skip dialogue button" incident
Wander through the desert.
Eventually you find the Memory Zone house where you can go down to the basement and find a computer. Interact with it and the thing from the "Set the Time" section will talk to you. After deciding on a title for the game, you are sent to the title menu to see your handiwork. After this is done, the New Content door should reappear and you can go back to the New Features expo hall. (You can now go back and unlock the "Test achievement please ignore" from the machine)

Go up and down in the elevator down to the mind control facility

The Narrator's words, not mine.
Fall to the bottom of the Monitor Room in the mind control facility, listen to the terrible early-2000s rock song about falling down to the bottom of the facility, then you're reset

Did you really expect the developers to have a twist that lame
WIP
Right door > warehouse > go down to wooden plank path > go through the (surprisingly large) vent > load into green hallway > go into room with cassette tapes everywhere > the narrator's voice keeps looping on the broken tape > stop the tape > real narrator makes fun of you > restart

For all of the following, you need to have played through the New Content ending to get the bucket in the offices

First. Get the bucket from the second room of offices. Then, follow the narrator's instructions until you get to the Mind Control Facility's monitor room. On the first platform inside (the one with the light bulb button) you can get on top of the desk and then get over the railing.

Go to the cargo room then up the wooden plank ramp, drop down onto the plank path below, and go through the vents. You'll emerge in a storage room with tapes. Activate the tape player on the table to get the ending.

Bring the bucket to the cargo room. Take the cargo lift and then fall off the lift onto the walkway (as if going towards the red and blue door. The narrator will stop you because "No Buckets Allowed" (kinda rude if you ask me). You'll then play the wonderful game show and watch the confusion ensue.

Bring the bucket with you.
Go to the telephone by riding the cargo lift.
Enter into an abusive relationship with the bucket

Get the bucket
Take the door on the right
Go left to the maintenance hallway
Take the elevator down
Adventure Line 2.0
Don't destroy the bucket because buckets before narrators am I right fellas...?

Escape out the window with the bucket
Listen to the Narrator's drive-time radio drama
Murder the bucket

Take the bucket to the staircase to your bosses office.
Go down the stairs.
Lose the bucket :(

Take the bucket to the boss's office and go down the elevator
Go back up the elevator
Press 3 over and over again
Go back down the elevator
Go back up the elevator
Press 3 a lot
Go down... etc...
Eventually you'll go to give a press conference about the number 3

WIP: Ignore the mess again
Firstly get the bucket. Then go to the cargo room and take the elevator up to the room with the telephone. Instead of answering the phone, unplug it (just use the interact button on the wall socket). A video will then play. Afterwards you will be led out of the room, down the cargo elevator, and back to the "set of two open doors". [I took the door on the right again, but it might work if you take the other one.] Going through the door on your right, you find yourself right back in the telephone room. The narrator then teleports you back to the set of two open doors. [Again, not sure what happens if you go through the left door]. After going through the right door, you're back at the telephone. Teleport again > Doors > Phone > Teleport > Left Door > Teleport above 2 doors room > "The End!"

"Yo Bucket Jokes"

WIP
Get bucket > Go to the boss's office > mind control facility > turn off the machine > Attempt to escape...

Uncover the sinister true intentions behind the facility
Honestly I'd be happy if I could just watch silly bird videos forever
Get bucket > Boss's office > mind control facility > turn ON machine > watch the birds!

WIP
Bucket > Boss's office > take secret elevator down > take "ESCAPE" hallway > go down the hole > get forced towards the crusher > fall down onto walkway > listen to bucket obituary from female narrator > explore the museum > find your bucket again > step onto the void and claim your bucket > ๓คץ Շђє ςгยรђєг קยภเรђ ץ๏ย Ŧ๏г ץ๏ยг รเภร

get bucket > left door > up the stairs > enter boss's office, but back up just before doors close > retrace path back to the office (you can also pick up the bucket here if you forgot it before) > go through open doorway next to Stanley's office > go up the stairs > escape pod > cutscene plays > next restart bucket is gone > on the restart after that, the bucket is back with a sign saying "Replacement Bucket" (if you go to epilogue, the escape pod has landed near the Memory Zone house > pick up bucket > happiness achieved)

WIP
The first two times you boot the game, you're asked to set the clock. Don't be lazy. Set the clock.

After the second time, the game commends you for actually taking the time to set the clock instead of just leaving it at the default. It then tells you to set it to your favorite time as a reward next time you open the game.

On the third time, after setting the clock, it asks if you set it to your favorite time or just couldn't resist setting it accurately again. It then gives you a slider to assess how accurate the time was.

On the fourth time, the game will give you a bunch of fun sliders and yes/no questions as a reward! Yay!

One of the sliders allows you to make the dog and cat friends. If you make them friends, certain newspapers will have a story about a cat-dog being born:

This was found in the Epilogue under the Memory Zone house next to the first review of The Stanley Parable 2.

(I've been told that there's an alternate newspaper if you don't make them friends but I haven't tested this because I'm not a terrible person. If you are a terrible person, feel free to send a screenshot of the newspaper that shows up instead.)

Casual has taken one for the team by making the dog and cat not friends and has shared the results:


On the fifth time, the game will begin to comment on the meaning of time and knowledge, then tells you that it will see you again.

After completing the epilogue, every time you open the game you'll get to choose the new subtitle, and the number will increment (Oooh what a fancy word. Someone's been paying attention in their CS classes)

At the 2 doors, take the door on the left. After exiting the meeting room, enter into the broom closet.

Original
The narrator will eventually wait for a new player to take over from you because he thinks you're dead. After this happens, you will want to leave the room and go back in.

If you keep going into the closet on repeat runs, it will eventually be boarded up.


With the Bucket
Not gonna spoil this one, it's too much fun. But I'll just say it involves stickers.


STICKERS!!!!

WIP
Prerequisites: ?? (according to the wiki, it opens when you get to the Mind Control Facility 3 runs in a row, but I haven't tested it myself)
Get bucket > Go to boss's office > (I went into the bathroom first; not sure if that changed things) > Door across from boss's office is openable > find elevator > elevator does nothing??? I cannot figure out anything to do here except listen to the elevator music and the narrator making small noises...

• Vent Access (found during the New Content ending)
  
• No visual changes, but instead of the normal music/quiet ambience, it's storming outside. The Narrator comments on the weather. (it's unconfirmed whether (hehe very punny) or not this affects the Out of Bounds ending).
  
• Straight Hallway to 2 Doors Room
  
  
• Blue Office
  The Whiteboard Ending can be found here (for more info, see the section on this ending below)
  
  
• Paper Everywhere
  
  
• Extra Offices + Blue Hallway (there's an extra set of offices before you get to the 2 doors)
  
  The 2 Doors room is usually at the end of this hallway
  
  Instead it leads to a blue hallway, which then turns into the 2 Doors Room
  
• Hallway Turns Left Instead of Right
  
  visible confusion[i.imgur.com]
  
• The End Is Never The End Is Never The End....
  
  
• Reassurance Buckets? No. Happiness Boxes
  Only caused by answering the box phone call
  
  
  
• Phone Calls:
  The phone on Employee No. 434's desk will be ringing. If you interact with it, you'll get one of a few messages:
  
  • One tells you about the danger of recorded messages
    
  • Another is from a woman asking Stanley to pick up a few groceries on the way home from work
    
  • One is a call from a company offering to send you quite a lot of boxes (1327 boxes, to be exact). When she asks you to confirm the shipment, interact with the phone again. Doing this will prompt
    
  • (Only achievable when holding the bucket) A woman calls telling Stanley that she has found an imposter bucket at home that she has co-opted into her own bucket

This technically isn't an ending, so it's going under "Fun Secrets" instead
This secret can only be accessed when you start in the Blue Office (this happens entirely randomly so just restart until you get it). Once you've started in the blue office variant, go to Office No. 426 and open the door. Ta-da! You've gotten the Whiteboard Ending!


In the bottom-right corner of the whiteboard there's a checkbox labeled "dog mode" with a little drawing of a dog (adorable, I know). If you interact with it, your interaction sounds will be changed from a keyboard noise to a dog bark.
10/10: Perfect Game


Go to the monitor room and call the elevator, but don't get on. If you wait around a minute (I didn't time it), the gates behind you will unlock. Return to the first button (the light bulb one) and click it.

• Click Door 430 5 times achievement mentions bucket if you're holding bucket
  
• If you put the bucket into the escape pod, it can be found in the epilogue
  
• After completing the epilogue, if you take the bucket into the New Content area, the narrator will ask you how you got it when he's still working on it.
  
• If bring the bucket to the New Content Expo and go into the Reassurance Bucket section, the Narrator will destroy both buckets (insert time travel movie paradox reference here)

Side note: Pretty much every dialogue and ending is changed if you have the bucket. Is everyone over at Crows, Crows, Crows okay right now... No wonder it took so long to finish this. They had to perfect the bucket-based storytelling.

After getting the Settings World Champion achievement (see another guide for how to do that, this guide is long enough already), head to the New Content Expo. Now, if you're an oblivious idiot like me and you spend 10 mins wandering around, being very confused and wondering where the hell the door is, I have the answer for you. Remember the jump circle? Yeah, right next to that is a staircase. Take that all the way up and you'll find it. Once you get in there, the Narrator will grant you extra special access to the Bumpscosity Slider in the settings menu. And honestly, even if this thing didn't do anything I'd just be happy with more sliders... I'm a sucker for sliders of all kinds (the burger and the setting option) and this is a high quality slider. However, this slider does in fact do something. It actually raises and lowers your bumpscosity which I'd say is pretty cool (also the Narrator will sometimes comment on your bumscosity setting).

I've got the feeling...
Money's for stealing...
But not yours, of course!
Say, that's a lovely purse

To be rich — is it a crime?
To commit crimes — isn't it rich?
What a life it would be
to have to pick just one!!

I've heard whispers (and pant-♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥) in the comment section and on the discussion forums of a man that can be seen walking and/or staring at the player from multiple different places. I haven't seen this myself so I can't confirm/deny, but let me know if there's a specific way to trigger it and I'll do my best to record it here.

• You can trigger some dialogue by closing the doors on both ends of the hallway containing Office No. 417
  
• In the epilogue, one of the "Talk" buttons says Stanley instead of Jim
  
• In the monitor room, you can actually get yourself stuck on the catwalk between the first and second buttons by pressing the second button and quickly backing up. It doesn't do anything, but it's still kinda fun
  
• If you get to the secret elevator in the boss's office enough times, the Narrator will open it for you right away (it also seemingly makes the elevator trip shorter, but I could be wrong).

As with all of the essays I'm currently procrastinating on, every good piece of writing has a good conclusion. And while I won't call this a good piece of writing, I certainly want to pretend that it is for the sake of my ego...

Anyway. Thanks for taking a look at my guide!! I'm not gonna plug any of my other content here cause I'm not trolling for Internet Points so there's not really a whole lot more to say in a conclusion besides... uhhh... bye? Have a nice day? I think? Cool...

— MediocreMeerkat

---

P.S. So... Fun fact everyone. This guide was reposted without my permission on multiple websites, most of whom do not even try to credit me (one of them said it was by "Mediocre" and honestly that's a fair insult). I'm not sure how to remedy that but like it's fine, everything's fine. Not annoyed at all.

P.P.S Okay. I said I wouldn't plug any of my own content but I never said anything about other people's content, especially if it's from the developers of the game I'm writing about in this guide. If you're looking for a nice little extra piece of content after finishing this mountain of content, you should absolutely play Dr. Langeskov, The Tiger, and The Terribly Cursed Emerald: A Whirlwind Heist (yes I know that title is a mouthful). There are absolutely zero drawbacks to playing it (that's right, I said zero). It's literally free, it takes 30 mins, and it's more of that Crows, Crows, Crows style that you'll be hankering for after finishing up the New Content™. However, while you're waiting for it to download, don't read any of the information about the game, just watch the trailer on the Steam page. Trust me. Trust. Me. Here, I'll link the game below.

https://psteamproxy.yuanyoumao.com/app/409160/
Oooh a fancy widget. Fun! I feel so professional