Use imagination!

"Do you have a boyfriend?" I blurt out. Holy crap - I just said that out loud?

Its valve quirks up in what could be interpreted as half a smile, and it peers down at me.

"No, Ukrainian ball. I don't do the boyfriend thing," it says softly.

Oh. What does that mean? For a moment I think it's going to follow up with some explanation, some clue to this cryptic statement - but it doesn't. I have to go. I have to reassemble my thoughts. I have to get away from it. I roll forward, and I hit the W key too hard, stumbling headlong into a tree.

"♥♥♥♥, Ukrainian ball!" the gas cries. With its powers, it tugs me back so hard that I roll back into it.

It all happens so fast - one minute I'm rolling, the next I'm held against it tightly to its canister. I inhale it's clean, wholesome scent. It smells of expensive gas.

"Are you okay?" it whispers. My breath hitches. It's basically staring into my eye, and I hold its anxious, burning gaze for a moment, or maybe it's forever... but eventually, my attention is drawn to its beautiful valve. And for the first time in twenty-one years, I want to be kissed.

See? Easy!