Before we begin, this game will require at least three playthroughs for all the achievements.

Playthrough 1: Collecting all miscellaneous achievements including ones where you need to die.
Playthrough 2: Banana no-death playthrough.
Playthrough 3: Human no-death playthrough.

1 and 3 can possibly be combined if you savescum by backing up your save (...\AppData\LocalLow\Fluxscopic Ltd\You Are Not A Banana Better Edition) but I don't recommend this. A fast playthrough takes like 15mins, so it barely saves time.

In the guide I'll note where you need to back up your save if you are going for two playthroughs.
Check your death count by pressing TAB.

The game does offer manual saving and loading, but your death count is stored separately from your game save, so loading an older save won't reverse your death count.

On the title screen, press up to highlight the banana, then left/right to switch the banana to human before starting a New Game.

Check the fridge and table. Exit your room, try to leave, then go back into your room to begin the next task.

[BACKUP 1]

Head upstairs and look out the window.

Enter (yes to sneak) the room on the left and exit immediately.

Go back inside and switch off the stereo for another achievement.

Head back downstairs (if you aren't) and use the breaker next to the stairs instead. Select switch 1 and let the guy punch you.

[LOAD 1]

Check you have 0 deaths. Use the breaker, but this time select switch 2.

Make a manual save now before going back to your room.

Time for a little mini game.
Walk around the room bumping into furniture/walls listening for your keys, and press spacebar to search that tile when you hear them rattle. The location is random.

There’s an achievement for finding them on your first try. The game counts your tries, so you'll know if you wasted your first attempt. If you fail, force close the game and reload to try again. Don't wait until after you've found the keys, as the game will autosave.

After grabbing your keys, exit your room.

[BACKUP 2 (safety save)]

Save and exit your apartment.

Outside, you will notice a frog on the other side of the road who’s trying to cross. That frog needs to live.
Quickly run across the road (watch out for traffic), and push it across. Do not pick it up.

Examine your bike and you’ll need the combination, so head back inside. Double check to make sure the frog is alive and somewhere safe.

[BACKUP 3]

Take a nap.

In this little minigame, avoid the black dot while collecting the numbers.

Before beating it, purposely fail by walking into the black dot for an achievement.

[LOAD 3]

This time collect the numbers to finish the minigame. Note the combination across the screen for an achievement later.

Drop a manual save and go back outside.

[BACKUP 4]

If you haven't already, get run over by traffic.

Remember the frog? What you need to do is quickly unlock your bike, and ride over it.

[LOAD 4] or previous save if you aren't making backups. You need that frog alive.

Run over to the frog and pick it up.

If you didn't get it earlier, there’s an achievement for unlocking the bike on your first attempt.

On your bike, try to exit left for an achievement.

[BACKUP 5 (safety save)]

Finally, exit right.

During the race, you need to run over the potholes to go faster. They are located:

• Middle
  
• Bottom
  
• Middle
  
• Top

Don’t worry if you miss one, it’ll loop around again. It’s more important you don’t get run over by traffic. It's not difficult.

[BACKUP 6]

Get off your bike at the top of the screen and inspect the backpack on the ground.

[LOAD 6]

Park your bike at the yellow arrow. Enter the store.

Inside, the clerk will ask you if you like the music. Answer “no”.

Grab the milk from the fridge, and try to exit without paying for another achievement.

Pay for the milk and exit the store. Get on the old black bike.

[BACKUP 7]

Exit right.

Time for round 2, but with added obstacles. Before beating it, ride into traffic cones (around the large pothole) and into a piano (they come through the middle of the road) for two achievements.

[LOAD 7]

Beat the minigame this time without dying. Potholes are located:

• Middle
  
• Top
  
• Bottom
  
• Top

After the chase, speak to the doorman; examine the stairs to the northeast. Neither lead anywhere, so exit right to the graveyard.

Examine the headstone with the red flowers.
“Through rain and wind, my heart I will follow.”

Follow the yellow arrow right “through rain and wind” until the next dialogue.

For next part, listen for a heartbeat. It beats quicker/louder the closer you are to your target.
Usually you just need to go straight north or south. Even if you go the wrong way, the game will just tell you to turn back. Your destination is plot of grass with no tombstones and a dead tree. A bunch of flowers surrounding it will bloom when you get close.

Pick up the ticket the bird dropped and exit the cemetery.

Give the doorman your ticket and enter the Art Gallery.

Inspect all five works of art in the first room to progress the story. Feel free to explore everything else.

Examine the front door to discover you're locked in.

[BACKUP 8]

Enter the room on the right and examine the statue of David from the right.

[LOAD 8]

Exit north. Follow the hallway left and make a save when you see the janitor cart.

Keep going left for another sound minigame. It’s a repeat of the key minigame from the start, but this time you’re listening for a distinctive hollow sound. I believe the game is giving you a hint when it tells you the direction the janitor's cart is facing. On each of my playthroughs it was always along the southern wall.
Find it on your first try to unlock an achievement. Like before, force close the game if you fail on the first try.

Talk to the janitor and assuming you saved the frog, give him the frog and take part in his experiment.

Back at your house, go check on your bike and then have your cereal for the credits roll.

After beating the game once, you will now play as a banana. There are three achievements to be aware of during your banana playthrough. You can ignore all the optional events this time, just follow the event log in the upper left.

Remember this run should be a no-death plathrough. If you die, you can ALT+F4 immediately (before the screen fades out) and the game won't register your death.

The game is largely identical, except:

• When turning off the breaker, select Switch 1, instead of Switch 2.
  
• A second white pixel spawns after three numbers during the nightmare minigame.

After beating the second chase minigame and you’re outside the gallery, inspect the giant snail.

After the graveyard sequence and the doorman lets you enter the gallery, talk to him again.

And finally if you didn’t die on your banana playthrough.

After beating the game as a banana, you can play as human again for your final achievement.

Remember if you die, you can ALT+F4 immediately (before the screen fades out) and the game won't register your death. This won't take you more than 20 minutes.