Just want to say this before you go any further, I just figured this method out on my own with no help. Legit just clicked and whoops 1k achievements popped up.

Now that is off my chest, Enjoy yourself with this game. Honestly it is not a terrible game, I know the hit boxes are a bit off and the music reset happening with the level reset can get a bit annoying. It is a game that... screw it, I know 99% of you are only here for the achievements so here ya go.

Step 1: Run the game and Open the "AchiEVES" Tab (3rd from the top)
Step 2: Click the Trophy with a 1 on it, wait for any lag to clear (You can tell if you are currently/past lag by toggling the Steam Overlay Shift + Tab)
Step 3: Repeat for Trophies 2-5
Unlock all achievements by pressing 6 buttons[gyazo.com]