Hatless Problem (Saxxy 2017: Comedy)
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11 条留言
Asirobi  [作者] 2018 年 3 月 13 日 上午 9:53 
Thanks
Anyar 2018 年 3 月 13 日 上午 9:25 
Not too bad, but could be improved.
Asirobi  [作者] 2018 年 3 月 11 日 上午 6:01 
I will try to improve with every new video.
MortyJHin 2018 年 3 月 10 日 下午 10:07 
I feel like the thoughts for the video is scattered every where. Maybe try writing a list or a script to organize the thoughts.
Asirobi  [作者] 2018 年 3 月 9 日 上午 9:01 
Thank you!
Cloudicide 2018 年 3 月 9 日 上午 8:55 
Looks like you put a lot of effort into it, especially for your amount of hours. Pretty good camera angles as well. Nice job!
Asirobi  [作者] 2018 年 3 月 9 日 上午 5:59 
Yeah true,i probably should've done some sketches, I have some ideas for next videos too.Thanks for the feed back
Knusperfrosch 2018 年 3 月 9 日 上午 5:15 
Have you tried working with a storyboard? Make some simple sketches of every scene, like a comic. Not only does it help deciding on camera angles beforehand, it gives you a rough estimate of how long a scene is.

Speaking as a writer, tthe rule is "never be afraid to cut something", to prune back superfluous words or rambling sentences. Sometimes, a paragraph or scene that worked so well in our head turns out to be out of place and breaks the pacing of the story, then it has to go. It can still go on the pile marked "ideas for later use". :)
Asirobi  [作者] 2018 年 3 月 9 日 上午 2:38 
Thank you for the opinion, I appreciate that.
Knusperfrosch 2018 年 3 月 9 日 上午 1:14 
The animation still needs work, unless you are going for a cartoonish movement for comedy purposes in places.
The story is basic, but nice, but I think this would have fit the 1 min Short category more.
This could have been achieved by two things:
By an overhaul of the script, tightening the plot down to the most important bits (Newbie Heavy decides he needs a hat to be taken seriously, tries to steal a hat but fails but manages to prove himself by being brave, so the team presents him with a hat).
Avoid "empty" seconds where nothing much happens. Character is sad? Don't show him sitting around moping for 10 seconds, shorten it to 5 seconds, or cut to his face showing the emotion.

The Saxxy Awards are a short movie contest, the skill is to tell a story in as short as time as possible.