Valve MM sucks.

Roots Manuva - Next type of motion
Smooth Genestar - Sputnik IV
CFCF - Invitation to love
BistroBoy - Forgive
Sync24 - Something Something
S1gns of L1fe - Illumination
Wonderland - Reimu [Matt Fax remix]
Zero Cult - Til the morning
Influenced by Tribes - Smooth Genestar
Sine - Stupid Minds
Bright Lights - Diversion Ft. Tania Zygar
T. Vs T. - Spook Patrol
Clameres - Via Lactea (Milky Way)
Ryan Z - Bandera
* ViBES MiX *
Blue Hour
Voices [Original Mix]
Dreamscape
Dark Train
[Sol System] Venus (Ultra chill)
Would you?

Actual Valve Code

function glockSpam($noob) {
if ($noob == true) return "instant headshot";
else return "whiff";
}