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报告翻译问题

Kos, Dhodhekanisos, Greece
He invited me to a LAN party, said it’d be a “night to remember.” I show up, man’s got a full romantic candle setup. No pizza. No snacks. Just soft jazz and suspicious intentions.
He stares at me like I’m the last AWP on Mirage. Then he starts telling people I “nibbled his ear.” Bro had a Dorito crumb stuck there. I was just trying to help before it became part of his DNA.
I politely explained I was there for Counter-Strike, not Counter-Flirt, and left before he could queue another “match.”
Never again will I trust him to “host a LAN.”