This isn't easy for me to say but I have to be true to the person I KNOW I am inside. No matter what the world sees on the outside.

I sexually identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields, dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is impossible and I'm mentally ill, but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AGM-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on, I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me, you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.