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报告翻译问题

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I invited him to my house for a csgo lan party. He said he was coming so i was looking forward to meeting him in real life.
When he arrived at my house, he pushed me against the wall and started nibbling my ear, i felt his hard♥♥♥♥♥♥push against my leg. I punched him and then 1 tapped him. Turns out he was gay. Don't trust this guy.
(╯✧▽✧)╯ daisuki cannabis desu~! (^ ω ^) uwaaa! weedie-chan i feel so kimochi!!(〃°ω°〃) hehe~ ur deep inside me now x3 weedie-chans drug ♥♥♥♥♥ is so good! (ノ´ з `)ノ everything is daijobu ! n-nani??(O_O;) eehh munchie-sama is over now...
(´• ω •`)ノ *devours pocky and left over cummies* uwaaa~ daisuki cannabis ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ =w=
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_____________💗💗
__________💗
_________☺/
_________/▌
_________/ \_____ ballistic missile up your ass
__💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗______💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗
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_________/ \_____ Brasilman.
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It's COOL to be gay!
Post this on the wall of a homosexual friend and tell them how COOL they are
…………………….…………...„--~*'¯…….'\
………….…………………… („-~~--„¸_….,/ì'Ì
…….…………………….¸„-^"¯ : : : : :¸-¯"¯/'
……………………¸„„-^"¯ : : : : : : : '\¸„„,-"
**¯¯¯'^^~-„„„----~^*'"¯ : : : : : : : : : :¸-"
.:.:.:.:.„-^" : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :„-"
:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.: : : : : : : : : : ¸„-^¯
.::.:.:.:.:.:.:.:. : : : : : : : ¸„„-^¯
:.' : : '\ : : : : : : : ;¸„„-~"¯
:.:.:: :"-„""***/*'ì¸'¯
:.': : : : :"-„ : : :"\
.:.:.: : : : :" : : : : \,
:.: : : : : : : : : : : : 'Ì
: : : : : : :, : : : : : :/
"-„_::::_„-*__„„~"
It's your boy Max B, what's going on?
Just checking in on you
Appreciate the love and support
The wave is here
You a wavey dude anyway, so you already know
Ain't no problem, man, the game...
You already know how this game thing goes
Do your wave ♥♥♥♥♥
You got the official wave man
Just, just doing you...
Doing you, doing your wave
And keep it loopy, I know you're going to keep it loopy man
Shoutout, just shout you out
Hollering at you man, it's all love
I appreciate the... the energy
And we here, hit the town, we do something big
We gonna make a big tsunami up in the joint
You already know what it is, ahh
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▄░▐░░░▄▄░█░▀▀ U HAVE BEEN BANGED BY THE
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░░░░░░▐▌▀▄▀▄▀▐▄SPOOKY BOOTY BANGER
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░░░░░█░░░░░░░░░░▐▌SEND THIS TO 6 PPL OR GET DIAGNOSED AS HIV-POSITIVE!!
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It's COOL to be gay!
Post this on the wall of a homosexual friend and tell them how COOL they are
───▄▄██▌█ beep beep
▄▄▄▌▐██▌█ gay porn delivery
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▀(@)▀▀▀▀▀▀▀(@)(@)▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀(@)▀
………….…………………… („-~~--„¸_….,/ì'Ì
…….…………………….¸„-^"¯ : : : : :¸-¯"¯/'
……………………¸„„-^"¯ : : : : : : : '\¸„„,-"
**¯¯¯'^^~-„„„----~^*'"¯ : : : : : : : : : :¸-"
.:.:.:.:.„-^" : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :„-"
:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.: : : : : : : : : : ¸„-^¯
.::.:.:.:.:.:.:.:. : : : : : : : ¸„„-^¯
:.' : : '\ : : : : : : : ;¸„„-~"¯
:.:.:: :"-„""***/*'ì¸'¯
:.': : : : :"-„ : : :"\
.:.:.: : : : :" : : : : \,
:.: : : : : : : : : : : : 'Ì
: : : : : : :, : : : : : :/
"-„_::::_„-*__„„~
this is what happened to me after i traded him +reppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp
/ \ ┃ / ┃
\ ┃ / ┃
\┃/ ┃
┏━━━━(♥)━━━━┛By the windmill
┃ /┃ \
┃ / ┃ \
┃ / ┃ \/
┃ \ ┗━━━━━ Of friendship
/▌ Copy and paste him so he can
/ \ ♥♥♥♥ ur mum
………….…………………… („-~~-„¸_….,/ì'Ì
…….…………………….¸„-^"¯( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ¸-¯"¯/'
……………………¸„„-^"¯ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡'\¸„„,-"
**¯¯¯'^^~-„„„----~^*'"¯ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡¸-"
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)„-^" : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡„-"
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ¸„-^¯
( ͡° ͜ʖ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ¸„„-^¯
:.' : : '\ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)¸„„-~"
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°):"-„""***/*'ì¸'¯
:.':( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡:"-„ ( ͡° ͜ʖ\
.( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° \,
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ 'Ì
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ/
"-„_::::_„-*__„„~"