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报告翻译问题

Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Heres a message to brighten your day and maybe cut your hair. because we all know that it needs to be cut. Maybe just a trim perhaps. Well also heres the message.
Pie>Cake>LIFE.... yeah well that's about it. I wonder how long it will take you to find this. Do people even check their steam pages??? I know i don't. Hahaha. Well Tom you are a great friend and you should be more active and play css etc with us.... cause that's active... or maybe we should all catch a movie. Yeah i'm bored....
May you always be happy during your life.
P.S. If i happen to dissapear suddenly. I want you to tackle Jarryd Tyndall, blame Jon for my disapearence cause he probably killed me \ ate me. And you should name a pet after me... which seems demeaning... so name a God after me.
Well i'll see you at school Tomoz and tell you about this message. But you probably won't even check it till ages.
P.S.
HOLY CRAP You've played 515.5 of CSS. Lol I dare you to get 1337 hours. Then never play again. Leet.
And shane/crumpet is gay with peanuts.... male peanuts