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报告翻译问题

- spood :)
modern beta gang on top we stay winning
i have great news. although my heart still yearns to play counter-strike (forever), my place is now elsewhere. after many a trial and tribulation with valve and the new release of counter strike 2, i have moved on to greater pastures. embark studios have released the best game known to man, known as the finals.
as you can see in grampy's profile picture they have issued me a watermelon head, and enough ozpuze to kill a horse dead. they also offer time off on the weekends, which i will come back home to modern beta land in order to speak and collaborate with my grandchildren.
sincerely, grandpa
P.S - if you haven't cleaned your room yet, do it for grandpa
-grandpa