The average human body contains enough iron to make one nail. The man who built your house is still waiting for you to pay your debt. He is in the next room. He is counting the number of times you blink. He finds it... amusing.

I don't know how to exactly say this but can you please stop dating my mom, she keeps talking about you and I'm tired of hearing about how you keep taking her the Dave and busters, and are saving tickets for the iPhone 14 for her. I know it's never going to happen as that thing cost 2 million tickets and you only have 16,000 after 10 visits and 500$. Also she's 86, and it would be really weird calling you dad as I'm older than you.

+rep i'm his daddy now

-rep won't let me call him daddy anymore

hey, i know you're not exactly doing well right now considering your favorite chihuahua got taxidermied inside out. however. that does not make it okay to reach your four-fingered hands down into my company's grease trap and take a sip from it every night. what even makes youi think it's okay to do that?? do you know how horrendously unsanitary that is? i would try to stop you, but you actually kind of scare me. please stop.

hawk tuah on that thang until