Ayo it's ya boi Sluppski, cyclopean abomination and bastard spawn of Cthulhu and Hermaphroditus, formerly known as Yakub the critically acclaimed scientist and part-time über guru, referred to in some circles as Touchstone the Clown, and also known as ser heroin biceps AKA Elmo the Snow Queen AKA Julius Ebola AKA Jean Rimbaud AKA Julian the Prostate AKA the immaculately conceived love-child of a naked mole rat and a naked mall rat AKA the Piero Scaruffi of this anime game AKA Heraclitorus AKA Angus Dei AKA Zombie Jesus AKA that one guy who brushes his teeth with orange juice AKA the cool aids man AKA Fidel Castrato AKA an intersectional fascist AKA your goldfish's worst wet dream AKA your little sister's best nightmare AKA your great aunt Helga's premier sexual fantasy AKA that dude who be elbow deep in yer mommy's pancake batter. I be steady wading through ya grandmammy's porridge. What is happening.

I've been hatching vain empires in the darkness since the womb. What have you done with your life?

I don't like the animes because they are a part of a vast Oriental conspiracy to control Western youth and lead them into degeneracy. They weaken the minds of our allies, and embolden our enemies.



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I'm absurdly busy. Literally, it is absurd how busy I am. My autobiography will be labelled as a seminal work in the burgeoning genre of hyper-post-postmodern absurdist metafictional auto-hagiography. (If only because of the vast quantities of semen involved.) Anyway, if I don't reply to your message or whatever in a timely fashion then that is why.
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Likes:
Vampires (only the sparkly ones)
Nice boats
Semen (the ones on the boats)
Head-pats
Pain (not the naruto guy; ♥♥♥♥ naruto)
Commas
Semi-colons
Quotation marks
Marx Quotations
Extremely bad puns
that gay ♥♥♥♥
Edginess
Myself
My therapist

Dislikes:
Life
Lewdness
Moderators
Breasts above washboard size
Enjoyment
Zombies
The word "hipster"
Breasts smaller than watermelons
People
Women
Emoticons
Weaboos
Death
Emoticons (except ;-;)
Anime
Manga
Cospray
Moderately bad puns
Edginess
Myself
My therapist

Strengths:
My pretty face (okay, it's not that pretty, but it's pretty pretty)
My edginess (that I cut myself with, as I cry tears of blood)
Muh ♥♥♥♥ (it's actually really impressive)

Weaknesses:
Being called an "elitist" (only if there are elitists who aren't elite)
Being called "pretentious" (wtf does that even mean)
Being called a "hipster" (wtf does that even mean)
Being called a "troll" (wtf does that even mean)
Malnutrition and fatigue
Scantily clad women (please just ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ kill me, I can't take it)
Love (wtf does that even mean)
My inability to vocalize falsehoods (I write them down a lot tho)

Hobby: Collecting dust
Height: Just close enough to 6 ft. for people to believe that I am.
Weight: Approximately 1.62 starving African children
Cup Size: 8.45 U.S. customary fluid ounces
Penis Length: N/A
Penis Girth: ∞
Blood Type: XXX
Political Views: Far-right of right
Power level: Over nine-thousandths
Dimensions of Being: 12
Favorite Shakespeare Quote: "For in that sleep of death, wet dreams may come"
Favorite Food: Your mother's tears (at what viscosity does a liquid become a food anyhow)
Mai waifu: Rape horse from berserk (y'all don't know ♥♥♥♥ bout that life)