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报告翻译问题

I invited him to my house for a csgo lan party. He said he was coming so i was looking forward to meeting him in real life.
When he arrived at my house, he pushed me against the wall and started nibbling my ear, i felt his hard c*ck push against my leg. I punched him and then 1 tapped him. Turns out he was gay. Don't trust this guy.
Well guys, guess I ♥♥♥♥♥♥ up.
Jos saat sähköpostin jossa lukee, että voit tunkea pesäpallomailan
perseeseesi.ÄLÄ tee sitä!! Se on huijausta ja sattuu kuulemma aivan
helvetisti...siitähän voi tulla myös tikkuja...kopioi ja varoita muita!!!
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▐█▐██▐░▄▓▓▓▓▓▀▄░▀▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▌█▌ doge is watching, dont do bad things...
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She sed "bbz will u luv me 4ever?"
He said "NO"
Da gurl cryed N ran across da rode Be4 the greenman came on the sine.
The boy was cryin and went to pic up her body
She was ded
He wisphered 2 her a corpse
"I meant 2 say i will luv u 5ever"
(Dat mean he luved her mor than 4evr)
LAIK IF U CREY ALWAZZ
*walks in with cosplay on*
"hey guys guess where im going?"
"comic con?"
"the doctors office, ive got cancer"
sad story like to agree