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报告翻译问题

8:36 PM - Johnboyofsj STERN SCHALTUNG: My dog is barking so much I feel like shooting it so bad so I have to blast heavy metal so hard and fast that I go deaf and never hear my dog again
8:36 PM - Johnboyofsj: everyone is now because of school
The Phi: just tell me it in engrish
007: nothing u?
[DFTBA] superlongcat64: john gave me enogh money to but the orange box for him
[DFTBA] superlongcat64: so i am
007: WHY CANT HE BUY IT himself?
[DFTBA] superlongcat64: its only 30$
[DFTBA] superlongcat64: cus' his parents are poor and dont want him gettin it
[DFTBA] superlongcat64: and all there cars blew up
yes they blew up.
007: lol john is poor.