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报告翻译问题

You Mad, I’m Mad
You Fight, I Fight
You Hurt, I Hurt
You Jump Off A Bridge…
I’m gonna miss your dumbass AND AFTER THAT WE STILL RIDE IN HEAVEN!
THIS IS A TEST TO SEE HOW MANY HOMIES
YOU HAVE!!!
WHEN U GET THIS SEND THIS TO TEN HOMIES
INCLUDING THE HOMIE THAT SENT U IT
IF THEY ARE A TRUE HOMIE!
+88_________________+880_______
_+880_______________++80_______
_++88_____Homie____+880________
_++88_____________++88________
__+880___________++88_________
__+888_________++880__________
__++880_______++880___________
__++888_____+++880____________
__++8888__+++8880++88_________
__+++8888+++8880++8888________
___++888++8888+++888888+80____
___++88++8888++8888888++888___
___++++++888888fx88888888888___
____++++++88888888888888888___
____++++++++000888888888888___
_____+++++++00008f8888888888___
______+++++++00088888888888___
_______+++++++0888f8888888
…….…………………….¸„-^"¯ :\_ / o '"*'"¯/' WOOF WOOF
……………………¸„„-^"¯ : : : : : : : : ¸„,-~"
**¯¯¯'^^~-„„„----~^*'"¯ : : : : : : : : : :¸-"
.:.:.:.:.„-^" : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :- GIVE THIS CUTE DOG
:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.: : : : : : : : : : ¸„-^¯ TO PEOPLE YOU CARE ABOUT
.::.:.:.:.:.:.:.:. : : : : : : : ¸„„-^¯
:.' : : '\ : : : : : : : ;¸„„-~"¯
:.:.:: :"-„""***/*'ì¸'¯
:.': : : : :"-„ : : :"\
.:.:.: : : : :" : : : : \,
:.: : : : : : : : : : : : 'Ì
: : : : : : :, : : : : : :/
"-„_::::_„-*__„„~
Alright?
Because I'm not.
I'm a businessman
I'm a family man
Man of the people
Man of the church
Man of the country
I'm a patriot
A veteran
A man of god
A missionary
A postman
I work at jamba juice, okay?
My dog is spayed
I got letters ready for me at the notary republic
I know a cobbler
I make my own quilts
Love eggs
Shop locally.
I support local causes.
I take a cruise ship every 3 months
I wear reading glasses
My daughter has braces
My eyebrows are shaved
And my friends are all geese
I live in a house
I have a head
My clothes are all combustible
My medicine is over the counter except for one prescription
I am inside of the matrix
I live in a home with no windows
I have lasers inside my brain
I have a shark in my bathroom
My dog sleeps in my bed with me
I have mouse under the rug
My friends are all dead
I went to india once
I like bowling
So don't talk to me like I'm some kinda ♥♥♥♥♥♥ trump.
Cuz I'm not.