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报告翻译问题

I caught him ♥♥♥♥ing my girlfriend last week. I’m still ♥♥♥♥♥♥ about it but there’s nothing I can do. She loves him. I knew she was acting weird because she kept staying out late and coming home with taco sauce on her blouse. During sex she’d scream to give her my five dollar foot long, but I’m only 3 inches and five dollars is way too much for what I’m giving. One day I came home to find her getting plowed against the wall by this dude. He had her hair in one hand and a taco bell cheesy gordita crunch in the other. I tried to fight him, but he slapped me so hard it broke every window in the house. This dude’s a stone cold pimp and I can’t do anything to hurt him, so I can only hope he breaks her heart one day like she broke mine.
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╬═╬☻/ 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝒆 𝓪 𝓷𝓲𝓬𝒆 𝔀𝒆𝒆𝓴
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B N JAIL 4 KILLIN DA MOTHA ♥♥♥♥♥ THAT KILLED U!
..._.....____________________, ,
....../ `---___________----_____] = = = = = D
...../_==o;;;;;;;;_______.:/
.....), ---.(_(__) /
....// (..) ), ----"
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WE TRUE HOMIES
WE RIDE TOGETHER
WE DIE TOGETHER
send this GUN to everyone you care about, C how many times you get this, if you get a 13 your A TRUE HOMIE
I invited him to my house for a csgo lan party. He said he was coming so i was looking forward to meeting him in real life.
When he arrived at my house, he pushed me against the wall and started nibbling my ear, i felt his hard wiener push against my leg. I punched him and then 1 tapped him. Turns out he was gay. Don't trust this guy.
Cartier love, Cartier the thot
Cartier spread, buffalo on the side
Princess cut diamonds, they Cartier, yeah
Cartier bag for the Cartier thot
Sky Wrangler coupe with two hundred the dash
Cartier jeans, ain't no way I can sag
Ain't no way I'ma ever gon' go out bad
I can't go out, no way I'ma go out
I just grip on her ass and I show out
I sit like a champ and I wait on a whole lot
I can whip up a new Chanel Patek
I whip with the wrist and I don't break the door out
Turn the whole top floor to a whorehouse
Hundreds racks in ones, dude brought the flood out
- The one and only THUGGER