gf is prego

we like to get kinky anyways

one night things get particularly saucy

i'm sticking my noodle in her when I notice weird ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ chunks coming out, so I turn on the lights

wtf it's red everywhere and she's obviously not on her period

i look up at her, she's got a glassy, jarred look on her face and she's not answering

ohshitohshitohshitohshit

i rush her into my car and speed all the way to the hospital

she's still bleeding everywhere

by the time we get there, she's not bleeding much anymore, but all the color has drained and she looks colorless and almost transparent

oh ♥♥♥♥, she looks like she's in a vegetative state

storm into to the emergency room, cary her to the nearest doctor and explain eveything

he takes one look at ther and says

"sir, i'm sorry, there's nothing we can do"

"WHY THE ♥♥♥♥ NOT???"

"we don't operate on empty jars of spaghetti sauce"

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Every night I’d pray to Trump for deporting illegal immigrants
My dad would hear me and call me a racist
I knew he was just jealous of my devotion to Donald Trump
I called him a ♥♥♥♥
He slaps me and send me to bed
I’m crying now and my face hurts
I feel a warmth approach me
It was Donald Trump
I’m so happy
He whispers in my ear “we need to build a wall”
Then he gets me out of bed and reaches in his pocket
I’m ready
I open my bank for Donald
He gives me a small loan of a million dollars
It hurts so much, but I do it for Donald
I feel my wallet tearing as he puts the money in
He roars a mighty roar as he puts the money in
My dad walks in and says “what the ♥♥♥♥”
Donald Trump looks at him and says “you’re fired”
Trump leaves through the window
Trump is love, Trump is life.