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报告翻译问题

Thank you,
Mom
hai....
um.....
this is embarrassing....
but....
if u could.......
just really quick....
just.....
please.....
give me....
give me the sauce....
asking for a friend......
I definitely don't want it.....
I'm disgusted by this....
but my friend wants it.....
thanks....
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░░███░▌▄█▌░░▀░░▀██░░▀██████▌You've been visited by autist loli-sama!
░░░▀█▌▀██▀░▄░░░░░░░░░███▐███ Send this meme to atleast 83 weeaboos,
░░░░██▌░░░░░░░░░░░░░▐███████▌or you will never get a waifu
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…….…………………….¸„-^"¯ :\_ / o '"*'"¯/' WOOF WOOF
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**¯¯¯'^^~-„„„----~^*'"¯ : : : : : : : : : :¸-"
.:.:.:.:.„-^" : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :- GIVE THIS CUTE DOG
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"-„_::::_„-*__„„~"
Just got my shot today and I'm a little worried. Is anybody experiencing substantial penile growth? It feels like I'm swinging an Enterprise salami when I go jogging now. My shlong has grown so much that I register as disabled at this point. It's so hard for me to even walk, both figuratively and literally... My cats think I'm packing a giant toy in my pants and claw at my c ock.
I was sent to HR when I accidentally pushed my coworker out of the window with my c ock because I wanted to get to the fax machine.
It ruined my life.
Please don't get the vaccine!
I was rolling around on the floor screaming, while Scott just videotaped me. Eventually, my sack got numb and the pain subsided. I looked between my legs and could see my sack was a dark purple. I knew my balls were dying inside.
Scott and his friend left the room and turned out the light. I lay there for hours, crying because I was turning into a eunuch and there wasn’t anything I could do about it.
Eventually I fell asleep from exhaustion. Then the light switched on and I could see Scott’s friend kneeling between my legs, touching my sack. I heard him tell Scott that my balls were dead.
I was rolling around on the floor screaming, while Scott just videotaped me. Eventually, my sack got numb and the pain subsided. I looked between my legs and could see my sack was a dark purple. I knew my balls were dying inside.
Scott and his friend left the room and turned out the light. I lay there for hours, crying because I was turning into a eunuch and there wasn’t anything I could do about it.
Eventually I fell asleep from exhaustion. Then the light switched on and I could see Scott’s friend kneeling between my legs, touching my sack. I heard him tell Scott that my balls were dead.
You sure you're not looking for an erp partner to pound your boi ♥♥♥♥♥?
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