Skinner: Ah, Superintendent Chalmers, welcome. I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon!

Chalmers: Yeah.

[Skinner walks to the kitchen, only to find his roast is burnt and gasps in horror.]

Skinner: Oh, egads! My roast is ruined! But what if… I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking? Ho ho ho ho ho, delightfully devilish, Seymour!

[He begins to climb through the window, but Chalmers enters the kitchen. The theme song to an imaginary show called “Skinner and the Superintendent” begins to play.]

Skinner with his crazy explanations,
The superintendent's gonna need his medication,
When he hears Skinner's lame exaggerations,
There'll be trouble in town tonight!

Chalmers: SEEEEEYMOOUUURRR!!!

Skinner: Superintendent! I was just, uh, just stretching my calves on the windowsill. Isometric exercise! Care to join me?

Chalmers: Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Seymour?

Skinner: Uh...ooh! That isn't smoke, it's steam! Steam from the steamed clams we're having. Mmmm, steamed clams!

[Once Chalmers leaves the kitchen, Skinner breathes a sigh of relief, climbs out the window, and runs across the street to Krusty Burger, where he buys hamburgers and french fries to replace his burnt roast. He enters the dining room with the fast food on a silver tray.]

Skinner: Superintendent, I hope you're ready for mouthwatering hamburgers.

Chalmers: I thought we were having steamed clams.

Skinner: Oh no, I said 'steamed hams'! That's what I call hamburgers.

Chalmers: You call hamburgers 'steamed hams'?

Skinner: Yes! It's a regional dialect.

Chalmers: Uh-huh. Eh, what region?

Skinner: Uh...upstate New York.

Chalmers: Really? Well I'm from Utica and I've never heard anyone use the phrase 'steamed hams'.

Skinner: Oh, not in Utica, no. It's an Albany expression.

Chalmers: I see.

[Chalmers takes a bite out of a burger and chews it a little, while Skinner sips his drink.]

Chalmers: You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger.

Skinner: Hohoho, no! Patented Skinner Burgers. Old family recipe!

Chalmers: For steamed hams?

Skinner: Yes.

Chalmers: Yes, and you call them steamed hams, despite the fact they are obviously grilled.

Skinner: Y- Uh..you know, the...one thing I should...excuse me for one second.

Chalmers: Of course.

[Skinner enters and leaves the kitchen swiftly upon seeing it is now on fire.]

Skinner: [yawns] Well, that was wonderful. A good time was had by all. I'm pooped.

Chalmers: Yes, I should be- GOOD LORD WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THERE?!

Skinner: Aurora Borealis?


Skinner: Yes.

Chalmers: ...May I see it?

Skinner: ...No.

[They exit the house as the kitchen fire grows larger.]

Agnes: Seymour! The house is on fire!

Skinner: No, mother, it's just the Northern Lights.

Chalmers: Well, Seymour, you are an odd fellow, but I must say...you steam a good ham.

[As Chalmers begins heading home, Agnes screams for help.]


[The screams cause Chalmers to look back towards the house. Skinner gives him a thumbs up and a fake smile, causing Chalmers to keep walking away. Once Chalmers is out of sight, Skinner rushes back into the house to deal with the fire.]